Of Rain and Coming of Age

The rain is sighing, overflowing already saturated ground. Inside, tempers flare here and there, words exchanged at high decibels. Elsewhere children seek solitude in public places. Others look for attention from me when I just want my own space, too. The dryer runs in circles seeking to end the wetness within. It is a reflective moment. I am not surrounded by my tribe at the moment, they have wandered off to more interesting places. The rain continues outside the window and a little inside my heart. This summer has been busier than I was prepared for, even though I knew ahead of time what lay in store. "He restores my soul", He will fill up the places that have been drained dry, soften the rough edges worn thin by exhaustion, knead the muscles that have tensed. I need to find the space to let Him minister to me, this seems to be the lesson that is to be learned this summer, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I need to 'come-of-age', learn how to walk like He wants me, too. It's time for new lessons.

Tonight we'll celebrate a milestone, a coming of age. Boy #2 turns 12 on Sunday but we will not be home, so this evening we will mark the passage into manhood. His body is not yet aware he is a man-in-training, he still looks younger than his 12 years. His mind does not yet know that he will have to shoulder great responsibility one day. His spirit has not yet discovered the wealth of strength that resides there. He is 70 lbs of raw potential. The distance we have traveled with this young man is vast and twisting, over sharp rocks and rough ground. If I had known it would be so difficult would I have said yes? I don't know. Since he has come home again things have been better. When you step away you can see growth that you can't see up close. He is growing, changing, maturing. If I had said no I would not be a witness to the transformation that I am privy, too.

Oh Lord, give us the wisdom to mold, shape and train this man-child. Help us to guide him into the path you have created just for him. Thank you for opportunity you've given us to choose him, every day. Transform me into the mom he needs. Soften my words like you've softened the ground. Let my spirit be saturated with your love so that it oozes out with the merest drizzle. Make my spirit slick like our roads so that anger and depression cannot get a grip, that offenses simply slide off into the ditch, forgotten. Give me an abundant heart, rich and full, ready for harvest.

presence

safe

secure

resting

unconcerned

These are the words that I long to be real in my life. I have been surrounded lately with the idea of 'practicing God's presence'. Developing intimacy. I want the look that's on my daughter's face to permeate my spirit so that I can be at peace no matter what the storm looks like today. I believe my anchor needs to dig a little deeper, get a little heavier. I have no desire to run on my own steam. I want that rest...desparately...