Last week I told you that we signed some papers and slid that commitment through the slot at the post office. Those papers were to enroll five of our six kids into Progressive Discover-e, a cyber school that my friend Ann Cook is the principal of who has grown this dream of hers from a seed into the successful government-funded, provincially recognized home-education resource it is today. We are pretty excited about it.
Ann's dream is allowing us to walk into one of ours...home-educating all of our kids. But, you say, you only enrolled 5. Yes, that is true, the jury is still out on number 6 because we and that child are still discerning the best form of education for this next year. We do that every year. We don't go into a new school year without going through that process. We go before the Lord with each child and ask Him what the plan is. As they get older they join in on that process.
For those of you not familiar with a cyber school...well, I'm not either, we haven't done this before, but I will try to explain it as it has been explained to me, or you can go visit their website and it will probably tell you more...the link is HERE. The majority of the classes will be online with real teachers at the other end who mark and assign their work. Art and Phys Ed are my responsibility - we log the hours and activities and submit those. My job is to supervise their work, their job is to do the work!
I am pretty thrilled with this for a few reasons...
1. It isn't costing me anything. The school is government funded.
2. I don't need to worry about counting credits for my high school students, they will make sure they've got everything they need to graduate according to our provincial guidelines.
3. I don't need to go through the headache of choosing curriculum...even though it's kind of fun..but not really.
4. I am not doing the marking, sometimes it is hard to be objective.
5. There is someone else besides me holding them accountable.
6. It's a Christian school, so I do not need to be concerned about content that could prove to be objectionable.
And then there are the harsh realities:
1. My kids will be home all the time (I love them but sometimes it is really nice to see the yellow school bus, especially Monday mornings)
2. I will have to plan for three meals a day for the whole fam, not just two. The four of us that have been home this year have a pretty mellow thing going on at lunch time...no longer.
3. I will have to be disciplined about making a schedule and keeping it - they will each need time online and off, piano lessons, the art and phys ed time logging, etc. Yes discipline - it could fit in the four-letter word category, but it doesn't. Do you think maybe God knew this was coming down the pipe when He gave me the 'phrase' for the year, Grace-full Discipline? I will definitely need a cup full of grace every day!
4. There will be a togetherness-attitude that will need to be conquered.
5. There will be lots of bumps to iron out as we learn this new rhythm.
6. I will need to learn to say no and be kind to myself about things that I think I should be doing but won't have the energy for.
7. There will be people who don't understand why we would do this to ourselves, like it's a punishment or something...we don't see it that way.
8. There will be people who will be mad at us for taking our kids out of the school. Our decision is NOT a reflection of our school.
9. Some people will get us to try and feel guilty that we're doing this...not sure why this happens, but it has.
10. My kids who have not homeschooled before are going to be in for a shock...they will have to work, contrary to popular thought.
11. My kids will have MORE chores to do not less. Not sure who that will be harder on.
12. It's not going to be easy.
13. It WILL be alot of work.
14. We will not enjoy every day.
15. There will be days when I question my sanity.
16. There will be days when I will want to send them all away.
And for those who are wondering:
1. No, we don't hate our public school, in fact, we love our school! There are great teachers and we have a very positive relationship with them.
2. No, this doesn't mean we are moving.
3. No, we may not do this for the rest of our days...like I said before we take it one year at a time.
4. No, we are not crazy - well, that might be debatable!!
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Monday, May 06, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
He infiltrated my 'to-do' list...
I have much to say at the moment and yet my brain is not helping me make coherent thought.
Yesterday was Tuesday which means I was supposed to be writing about God-sized dreams. Our assignment was to spend some time with God, listening for His voice in regards to our dreams. I am not opposed to quiet times or listening to God our writing about it but I have to admit that the assignment felt like a heavy weight when I first read it. It felt like a 'have-to'...and I am so weary right now.
This has been an arduous week. (you do NOT have to read all of this...)
Wednesday morning: beloved Auntie goes to be with Jesus, the world is not so bright without her
Wednesday evening: sister-in-law and I travel through ridiculously ugly roads to get to a conference
Thursday: sit in conference learning why my RAD son is the way he is
Thursday afternoon: run to the mall to help my husband wrangle kids while one of them is at the eye specialist, decide to keep the two girls because yet another 'spring' storm is making it's way through the province and my wise husband doesn't think I'll make it back to use the symphony tickets we bought for the girls for their birthdays Saturday night
Friday: keep girls busy while still attending the conference
Saturday: pleasant day hanging out with old friends and attending the Disney symphony with my girls - a wonderful oasis in the storm but NOT at home with my grieving family
Sunday: my family makes an extra drive of about four hours to get me from the city so we can go to join the rest of the family for the viewing, funeral, etc.
Sunday afternoon and evening: viewing, crying, hugging and another night away from home
Monday: graveside service, funeral, more crying, hugging and travelling back home
Tuesday morning: lead Bible study I am totally unprepared for (thanks to my gracious friends, that was all good)
Tuesday afternoon : our dog goes missing
Wednesday morning: our daughter has another episode of racing heart and shortness of breath...
By the time I got home on Monday night I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. However, on Tuesday afternoon I sat down to read for a little while because I have a book I need to review and I needed to rest. I figured I could cross both things off my to-do list at the same time, very efficient of me, yes?
In the midst of the pages of this story God so graciously spoke to me of dreaming and not settling for something less. He spoke to me of understanding where I am so that I can know where I am going. He spoke to me through a story that my dream IS important, that I shouldn't settle for anything less than what He has dreamed for me, even if it might take work and I might not see results for awhile, and it may be in the midst of difficulty, all these things make me more of me. These storms will help to shape and define and bring greater clarity into the dreaming.
Dreaming is important enough to Him to include it in the pages of a novel that I need to review to remind me that He was thinking of me, even though I wasn't thinking about Him. He knows that I learn better through stories, that I can hardly wade through a 'teaching' book. Reading that novel was on my to-do list and He wasn't, but He got in there anyway and I am in awe of His care for me...
This post is written as part of a community of God-sized Dreamers. We hang out with Holley Gerth and link up on Tuesdays for encouragement and engaging the community in dreaming big!
ps. I'll post a review of the book later this week! It's called, The Gate.
Thursday, April 04, 2013
Elastigirl vs. Distracto-Bunny
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| LOVE THOSE BOOTS!! |
I love Elasti-girl. I would like to be Elasti-girl. Ever since "The Incredibles" showed up on the big screen she has been my super-hero of choice. What mom wouldn't want to be able to 'snap' back into place no matter how much her body has stretched. Not to mention that you could be the super fun mom when your kids can use you as a raft or parachute. Of course my favorite bit would be that I could reach them no matter how far away they were...oh yes, you can't outstretch the MOM!!!
**sigh**
Unfortuately, I look a lot more like Distracto-Bunny. No there isn't a cool picture of her, because she is ME!!
My abilities include:
*Juggling half-finished projects
*leaving a load of clothes in the washing machine until it gets THAT smell because I keep meaning to go change it
*buying too many craft supplies for my various interests
*Forgetting to pick up my daughter
*dropping everything when my phone says, "Woohoo, you have a text message!"
This is the sorry truth my friends. I know that I will never be:
1. Ann Voskamp - beautiful, put together (at least in the pictures), well-mannered, intentional kids, beautiful photography and deeply spiritual writing
2. The Nester or Emily Jones (from Jones Design Company) - because until my kids leave home, simply keeping it clean enough to live is my goal - no magazine is going to come photograph my 37 year old linoleum (and thank heaven for that! cause it would be some rescue magazine or nasty reality TV thingy that someone nominated me for)
3. ProBlogger - cause I don't care about it all as much as he does
And guess what? I'm okay with that.
I am learning in my middle-aged-ness (is mid-40s middle aged?) that I am getting more comfortable with my introverted self. I like my crafty, creative side. I actually like reading my own writing! I love my kids and my husband and the crazy grace we all live in.
I am, however, in the middle of writing a novel (for real). I am working toward some awesome God-sized dreams. I'm even getting okay with my lumpy bits - after all those extra 'curves' produced some pretty awesome fruit and I can have grace for that (thanks Lisa Jo for that line about having grace for my waist).
This is all a bit random and I'm okay with that, too. SQUIRREL!!
(did I say the thing about writing a novel out loud?)
Saturday, January 05, 2013
of Balance, Dreaming and Seasons...and Moving Forward
It's 2:15AM and I should be sleeping but my head is whirling with thoughts about God-sized Dreams. I'm part of that dream team and I sort of wonder how I got there...except that I have this ginormous dream, definitely God-sized. You can read the whole crazy thing if you want, it's over HERE.
I wonder if any of it will come to pass because I am my own worst enemy. However, a dear intercessor/mentor/friend/spiritual mama prayed over it and she is excited about what God is going to do and she told me the order in which she is going to pray for these things to come to pass. It makes a difference when someone is standing with you. And then several of you dear readers have told me that you think maybe I'm a little crazy but you're going to support me anyway.
And so I will go dream-chasing...
I strive for order and balance and perfection and fall way short on all of it, because, after all, life is a wee bit messy out here on the farm with six kids running around, home school stuff, farming, pastor-ing, music lessons, livestock and the dogs howling at the moon. There doesn't seem to be space for dreaming and balance.
I read recently about balance. How this striving for balance may just be a bit of a lie that we've bought in to. Because if you're going to go after something, there will a season that most likely won't be very balanced.
Like training for a marathon, or giving birth, or doing NaNoWriMo or harvesting your crop. There are seasons where you have to push through and just do it NOW, because it is time.
And then there is time, like Holley Gerth says in her recent POST, to just do the next thing.
That is sometimes the hardest thing to do, because it brings us one step closer to completion and sometimes that's the scariest part.
the what-ifs set in:
- what if I write this book and no one wants to publish it, or even read it?
- what if I go to the trouble of recording this CD and no one wants to listen to it?
- what if I lose all this weight and then I don't have the money to buy new clothes?
- what if I finish building this chicken coop...I will have to buy chickens and tend to them?
There is responsibility that comes with finishing a project. Like the chickens, there may be success to deal with, we may have eggs to sell, which requires washing, candling and handling and marketing.
If I finish recording that CD and people love it then I may have to do tours and concerts and sign contracts.
Sometimes the fear of success can be more debilitating than than the fear of failure.
So then what?
You do the next thing.
You keep moving forward.
Because someone wisely wrote that perhaps we need to define success by our willingness to obediently follow God's call on our lives and not worry about the results of that obedience.
Someone will probably not like it that you obeyed.
That is not your problem.
Moving forward through the seasons of just do the next thing and the press through it and get it done are what it will take to see your dream through.
Join us on Tuesdays over at Holley's. Download her book from Amazon, "The Do What You Can Plan".
update on my dream state:
My husband gave me motivation to get our farm accounting up to date. Once all that is caught up it should release some funds that the government currently owes us. He said that we could go on a holiday (#14), just the two of us, if we could get all that accounting caught up by the end of January. I finished June today!!
I wonder if any of it will come to pass because I am my own worst enemy. However, a dear intercessor/mentor/friend/spiritual mama prayed over it and she is excited about what God is going to do and she told me the order in which she is going to pray for these things to come to pass. It makes a difference when someone is standing with you. And then several of you dear readers have told me that you think maybe I'm a little crazy but you're going to support me anyway.
And so I will go dream-chasing...
I strive for order and balance and perfection and fall way short on all of it, because, after all, life is a wee bit messy out here on the farm with six kids running around, home school stuff, farming, pastor-ing, music lessons, livestock and the dogs howling at the moon. There doesn't seem to be space for dreaming and balance.
I read recently about balance. How this striving for balance may just be a bit of a lie that we've bought in to. Because if you're going to go after something, there will a season that most likely won't be very balanced.
Like training for a marathon, or giving birth, or doing NaNoWriMo or harvesting your crop. There are seasons where you have to push through and just do it NOW, because it is time.
And then there is time, like Holley Gerth says in her recent POST, to just do the next thing.
That is sometimes the hardest thing to do, because it brings us one step closer to completion and sometimes that's the scariest part.
the what-ifs set in:
- what if I write this book and no one wants to publish it, or even read it?
- what if I go to the trouble of recording this CD and no one wants to listen to it?
- what if I lose all this weight and then I don't have the money to buy new clothes?
- what if I finish building this chicken coop...I will have to buy chickens and tend to them?
There is responsibility that comes with finishing a project. Like the chickens, there may be success to deal with, we may have eggs to sell, which requires washing, candling and handling and marketing.
If I finish recording that CD and people love it then I may have to do tours and concerts and sign contracts.
Sometimes the fear of success can be more debilitating than than the fear of failure.
So then what?
You do the next thing.
You keep moving forward.
Because someone wisely wrote that perhaps we need to define success by our willingness to obediently follow God's call on our lives and not worry about the results of that obedience.
Someone will probably not like it that you obeyed.
That is not your problem.
Moving forward through the seasons of just do the next thing and the press through it and get it done are what it will take to see your dream through.
Dream we must.
Move forward we must.
Start dreaming if you haven't yet
and KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!
update on my dream state:
My husband gave me motivation to get our farm accounting up to date. Once all that is caught up it should release some funds that the government currently owes us. He said that we could go on a holiday (#14), just the two of us, if we could get all that accounting caught up by the end of January. I finished June today!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
A God-Sized Dream
Several weeks ago I got an e-mail inviting me to apply to a 'God-Sized Dream Team' with Holley Gerth. I like Holley Gerth and a dream has been brewing and taking shape in my head so I applied. However, because the dream was kind of vague all I put on my application was that I wanted to write a book.
Holley Gerth and the Dream Team
I didn't really think much more of it and life went on. Then I got accepted to the team and I started reading what other people were thinking and saying and the dream in my head started to get a little less vague and a lot more crazy sounding. I'm going to lay the whole thing out here for you so that I have something to look back on and if you are directed to, pray into it with us won't you?
Note: alot of this involves my husband and his dreams, cause we kinda go together and have been dreaming for 20 years now
1. We want to be debt-free. And we're farmers!!! That in itself should be big enough. Most of the farmers we know (including us) live mostly in our credit lines. The cheques coming in look big, but the cheques going out are even bigger most of the time. A repair on those machines has the potential to cost more than a small car. Add to that the reality of living well below the poverty line while we were students. Yup, we are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down the hole. BUT we believe that God is bigger than that.
2. Our heart's desire is to be able to travel around encouraging people with the gifts God has given us. We have written songs, we are both musicians and our kids are coming along nicely on that front, too. We believe there is a message that God has given us to speak, even though we're not exactly sure what it is yet and we're obviously not ready for it, #1 being a big factor. And my husband...well, the man can sing...his voice is a gift from God and needs to shared with the rest of the world. (like CDs and stuff)
3. We would love to adopt internationally (Asia, India and South America are on our hearts). Yes, we do have six kids already. However, we have dreamed of having an international family within our walls for 20 years now. We see that doing so has the potential to be a prophetic statement of how God sees us, no matter the color of our skin or where we come from. We have one adopted son who is partly First Nations and 2 delightful German girls that we call our own even though they no longer live with us. Again, #1 puts a bit of a damper on this.
4. We would like to see our adopted son freed from the things that hold him back and have a whole, trust-filled relationship with him. He has a long list of issues that I will not get into at this time, I could write a book about that and I probably will, but we're not quite there yet. When he's free and willing, maybe we'll do it together.
5. We would love to home-school all of our children so that we can do #2. This would take a huge amount of healing in our family before it could happen.
6. We would love to be able to encourage other parents in situations like ours. There is very little support for families in situations where they are trying to love/manage very damaged emotions/hearts. There is very little understanding in the public sphere for what we go through every day. I would like to get a lot more education on this particular topic and be able to advise, counsel and comfort others who need to know that there is a way out...we haven't found it yet but we believe there is one!
7. I love to teach and write. I have no fear of speaking in public. I love women's ministry and would like to combine those things.
8. I want to write books and have them published. I write this blog and the odd book review right now. I have written plays, songs, poems, short stories, curriculum, articles and have about five book ideas swimming in my head, most of them started in some form. I dearly, dearly want to see my name on the cover of a book!!
9. I am a very creative person and would love to create something that people would like to purchase. I've made lots of things and some of them have sold, but most of the time I feel like what I make isn't good enough for anyone to want it. I am a pathetic marketer!! Recently God has given me designs for two different items and I would like to see if I could make a pattern for other people to make them!
10. I'd love to own my own little store where we could sell our honey, organic products and my crafted items. I'd love it to be a little tea shop where we serve soup and bread and people can come and enjoy a welcome spot. I'd like it to have a crafty area where people can do something creative while they enjoy a cup of tea. (I love a good cup of tea!!)
11. I dream of getting my WordPress site up and running. I bought the basics, but I am technology stupid!! I dream of having a beautiful site for all of you to come to that would fill up your spirit and encourage you on your way...
12. And then there's our house. We dream of turning our garage into a family room with a corner for crazy gymnastics kid, a place for my dancers to practice, an area for learning to happen and an expanded entry (if you've ever been to our house you know that the entry is a necessity)! THEN, we want to add a new garage that fits our over-sized van with living space over top of that (to accommodate our expanded family). This would also include taking out a wall in our kitchen and opening up the existing living space so that when we have lots of people over (which is mostly the youth group...which happens fairly often since we're the youth pastors) the flow of conversation and living works better. Again, #1 makes this difficult to even dream about, but at least we'd like to get all the holes in the walls repaired.
13. We want our farm to be self-sustaining. Meaning that we would like to get our power and heat sources off grid, be able to feed ourselves and others off what we produce and make a smaller impact on our natural resources.
and last on my list (for now)
14. My husband and I would love to take a trip together, maybe a cruise, where we could just relax and not worry about a thing...
So there you have it...kinda crazy isn't it? It's kinda of overwhelming to actually spell it all out like that...that's what my God-sized dream looks like. Phew, feels good to get it all out there...hold it gently please.
My God-Sized Dream
(which is really, REALLY huge)
Note: alot of this involves my husband and his dreams, cause we kinda go together and have been dreaming for 20 years now
1. We want to be debt-free. And we're farmers!!! That in itself should be big enough. Most of the farmers we know (including us) live mostly in our credit lines. The cheques coming in look big, but the cheques going out are even bigger most of the time. A repair on those machines has the potential to cost more than a small car. Add to that the reality of living well below the poverty line while we were students. Yup, we are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down the hole. BUT we believe that God is bigger than that.
2. Our heart's desire is to be able to travel around encouraging people with the gifts God has given us. We have written songs, we are both musicians and our kids are coming along nicely on that front, too. We believe there is a message that God has given us to speak, even though we're not exactly sure what it is yet and we're obviously not ready for it, #1 being a big factor. And my husband...well, the man can sing...his voice is a gift from God and needs to shared with the rest of the world. (like CDs and stuff)
3. We would love to adopt internationally (Asia, India and South America are on our hearts). Yes, we do have six kids already. However, we have dreamed of having an international family within our walls for 20 years now. We see that doing so has the potential to be a prophetic statement of how God sees us, no matter the color of our skin or where we come from. We have one adopted son who is partly First Nations and 2 delightful German girls that we call our own even though they no longer live with us. Again, #1 puts a bit of a damper on this.
4. We would like to see our adopted son freed from the things that hold him back and have a whole, trust-filled relationship with him. He has a long list of issues that I will not get into at this time, I could write a book about that and I probably will, but we're not quite there yet. When he's free and willing, maybe we'll do it together.
5. We would love to home-school all of our children so that we can do #2. This would take a huge amount of healing in our family before it could happen.
6. We would love to be able to encourage other parents in situations like ours. There is very little support for families in situations where they are trying to love/manage very damaged emotions/hearts. There is very little understanding in the public sphere for what we go through every day. I would like to get a lot more education on this particular topic and be able to advise, counsel and comfort others who need to know that there is a way out...we haven't found it yet but we believe there is one!
7. I love to teach and write. I have no fear of speaking in public. I love women's ministry and would like to combine those things.
8. I want to write books and have them published. I write this blog and the odd book review right now. I have written plays, songs, poems, short stories, curriculum, articles and have about five book ideas swimming in my head, most of them started in some form. I dearly, dearly want to see my name on the cover of a book!!
9. I am a very creative person and would love to create something that people would like to purchase. I've made lots of things and some of them have sold, but most of the time I feel like what I make isn't good enough for anyone to want it. I am a pathetic marketer!! Recently God has given me designs for two different items and I would like to see if I could make a pattern for other people to make them!
10. I'd love to own my own little store where we could sell our honey, organic products and my crafted items. I'd love it to be a little tea shop where we serve soup and bread and people can come and enjoy a welcome spot. I'd like it to have a crafty area where people can do something creative while they enjoy a cup of tea. (I love a good cup of tea!!)
11. I dream of getting my WordPress site up and running. I bought the basics, but I am technology stupid!! I dream of having a beautiful site for all of you to come to that would fill up your spirit and encourage you on your way...
12. And then there's our house. We dream of turning our garage into a family room with a corner for crazy gymnastics kid, a place for my dancers to practice, an area for learning to happen and an expanded entry (if you've ever been to our house you know that the entry is a necessity)! THEN, we want to add a new garage that fits our over-sized van with living space over top of that (to accommodate our expanded family). This would also include taking out a wall in our kitchen and opening up the existing living space so that when we have lots of people over (which is mostly the youth group...which happens fairly often since we're the youth pastors) the flow of conversation and living works better. Again, #1 makes this difficult to even dream about, but at least we'd like to get all the holes in the walls repaired.
13. We want our farm to be self-sustaining. Meaning that we would like to get our power and heat sources off grid, be able to feed ourselves and others off what we produce and make a smaller impact on our natural resources.
and last on my list (for now)
14. My husband and I would love to take a trip together, maybe a cruise, where we could just relax and not worry about a thing...
So there you have it...kinda crazy isn't it? It's kinda of overwhelming to actually spell it all out like that...that's what my God-sized dream looks like. Phew, feels good to get it all out there...hold it gently please.
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