Crossing off #14

I'm a dreamer and I often set super unrealistic goals for myself.  

I am also a perfectionist whose worth is far too often tied up in what I can do and how well I can do it.

I am a 'good girl' who doesn't want anyone catching her making mistakes/being weak/screwing up.

But this year, I am trying something new.  It's called grace.

This year I am trying to allow myself some breathing room.

In her book, The Do What You Can Plan, Holley Gerth encourages us to set a goal that is short term...a small goal, and then cut it in half.

Last week our assignment was:
Do one thing to move forward in your God-sized dream. You get extra credit if it’s simple, small and takes just a few minutes.

If you've read my God-sized dream you may recall that there isn't a single item on that list of dreams that isn't HUGE!!  {I wrote it before she started giving us assignments}

One goal I didn't write down was my desire to finish unfinished projects before I get going on new ones.  There isn't a huge list, but it's daunting enough.  My husband threw out a challenge.  We've been talking for the last year about celebrating our 20th anniversary (#14 on The List).  We decided on a cruise.  He told me that if I could get our accounting caught up on our farm books we would book one.

That was a challenge I couldn't pass up.  So I rolled up my sleeves and got to work girlfriends...a cruise was calling my name.  I petered out for a few days and then pulled up those bootstraps and kept going...I got to the end of September and realized that all I had left to do was file that GST report and in the government's eyes...we were caught up.

So on Tuesday last week, when Holley gave that assignment, guess what small thing we did?  We filed that report and booked ourselves on a cruise people!!!  It only took  a few minutes for that report to get filed even though hours of work had gone into getting to that point.  I still have a bit more to do to get to year end and I just got the paperwork I need to get there today.

Not only that, but my diligence and discipline in that matter spurred my husband on to start the ball rolling on another two of the dreams on that list!  One domino goes down and more have to follow.

That wee bit of success is heady stuff.  I know there will be kinks in the road.  There will be roadblocks and fatigue.  However, I am beginning to believe that just maybe these dreams aren't just ours, they belong to God and we are his and I am going to keep moving forward.

This is the ship we're going on  ms Maasdam

Hold My Hand

"Mommy, I need your hand!" "Why?" I queried, "You seem to be keeping up okay." "But you let go of my hand and I don't think I can keep going without your hand." Her little six year old legs had already walked a mile and a half with me, only half a mile to go, but she was getting tired. As I took her hand in mind it made me think of the journey we are on with our RAD son. There have been many days lately where I don't feel like I can take one more step. I told God right then and there that I'm just like my little girl, I need to hold His hand if I'm going to make it all the way. Today He encouraged me through phone calls from two unexpected places. Both of the gentlemen who called reminded me that kids his age need to know you love them no matter what, that he is pushing all the boundaries to see if we'll go the distance with him. They reminded me that this too shall pass and on the other side he might even thank us for sticking in there with him. I was reminded of a friend with whom we prayed for years and years when her sons were this age and they strayed far away for a long time and now are back where they belong, wrapped in glory and doing well. I was reminded to remember the positive things. Our situation could be a lot worse if we still lived in the city. He is almost 14 and many kids with his type of challenges are already in juvenile halls by the time they are 12. He doesn't have some of the issues that many kids similar to him have. There are things to be thankful for. So today I'm saying, "Daddy don't you let go of my hand, I know we've got some tough pieces of road ahead yet, hold me tight and don't let go."

Weeds in My Garden
copyright 2007, lani wiens
a fresh flowers original

A flower came popping up among my weeds today. I'm actually loving having all this garden space, which I know will be a shock to some. There is something inherently therapeutic about pulling weeds by hand. Ripping those life-sucking critters out, knowing that you are doing something very good for your plants, is deeply satisfying.

Out here on the farm we use all manner of ways to get rid of those weeds. We get down on our hands and knees, we use various types of hoes, we use the small roto-tiller, we spray, we use the small cultivator on the back of the garden tractor and for the really big stuff the John Deere 4230 with the big cultivator attached.

Late last week I used the hoe on my cucumber beds, they looked pretty good when I was done. Yesterday, we were all in the corn patch, me on my hands and knees, Fireboy with a hoe, the two little boys smashing and ripping the 'bad guys' up and my Music-man with the pull-hoe. Once we were done there wasn't a weed in sight, only my lovely rows of corn and black dirt. My, oh my that felt good.

Today we went after the potato patch. Fireboy and I with hoes and then I turned him loose with the roto-tiller since the patch was so big. Once again we felt good about taking all those weeds out. Then I happened to go by my cucumber beds that had been done such a short time ago. Over the weekend we had a lovely rain and then the last couple of days have been very sunny. Rain and sun make things grow. Plants as well as weeds. You would never know that I had weeded the cucumber patch. The weeds were thick and healthy looking. It was discouraging, but it made me think.

Many days I feel overrun by weeds. My sins look huge and overwhelming. I feel like my life is not bearing fruit or very lovely to look at. It's time to weed. I repent and ask for forgiveness yet it doesn't take long and those weeds are poking their heads up again. I get mad at my weeds and wish they would disappear but they just seem to keep coming back. One thing my dad, an excellent gardener taught me about gardening is this – if you want to have a clean garden, then weed clean. I always groaned when he said that and now my kids are groaning as I say it to them. To weed clean means to get down on your knees and take a good look at those weeds, yank them out by the roots and then carry them far away from your garden to dispose of them. When this is done regularly, that variety of weed will diminish and eventually, be eradicated from your garden. Not hard to see the spiritual application there is it? Get on your knees, take a good look at the weeds that the Holy Spirit is showing you, then locate the roots and yank it out. Take that weed to the foot of the cross and let the Master Gardener dispose of it. It will diminish and eventually be gone from your life. Not a bad pay off I'm thinking. There are times to take the big cultivator out and there are times for on your knees weeding we need to be discerning.

The interesting part is that while God doesn't put the weed seeds in our life but God causes all things to grow! The difficulties that come our way to grow our character make us grow and the weeds show up. The sunshine of His love causes us to grow and the weeds show up. The same environment that grows our faith and character shows the weeds for what they are. Very often it is right after a time of great spiritual rain and sunshine that the biggest, ugliest weeds poke their heads out and seem to flourish! The good news is that right after a rain is the easiest time to pull them out, when the soil of our spirits is soft and pliable. Another piece of good news is that the good stuff is growing, too and sooner or later will bear fruit. So don't grow weary in doing good – pulling out the weeds of sin – for if you do not give up you will reap a harvest of righteousness!