Surrendering

I realized today that I am a failure. It's true and apparently it's okay. I can't do a single thing on my own. I was brought face to face with that reality as my husband preached this morning. I can't do anything unless Christ is at work in me. Unfortunately for me and all those around me I too often forget to surrender my frailty to Him. The words on the page say that He has it all under control and I need to surrender the whole thing to Him. I'm good with that...my question is how do I then live?

As a parent how do I discipline in the reality that I'm not in control of the situation?
As a leader in the church how do I plan and pursue ministry ideas?
As a wife, how do I love my husband the way he needs to be loved?
How do I go about surrendering my gifts, talents, ideas and dreams to the one who created them all in the first place?

I'm not sure how the surrender process looks. I'd be okay with simply not getting up in the morning and letting the Lord make lunches and clean and the 1000 other things on my to do list every day but I'm pretty sure that is NOT how it goes.

I'm truly at a loss here...I desperately want to surrender, to let Him have control, to get rid of my nasty self and let the fruit of the Spirit show up, I'm just having trouble getting her to lay down and die.

September 1 thankfulness (880)

863. Cherries
864. Apricots
865. Apples
866. Beans
867. Peaches
868. Plums
869. Honey
870. Strawberries
870.5 Peppers

These are the things we have put in our storehouse so far this year. So much work but so satisfying to see it sitting on the shelves in my cold room.

I am also thankful for...

871. The first painful days of school being done.
872. A more organized start to this year's homeschooling.
873. A more peaceful countenance on my eldest son as he is back at home this year.
874. My nephew - the massage therapist.
875. New routines.
876. My massage cushions.
877. Encouraging words and phone calls.
878. My parents being near by again.
879. The community in which I live.
880. Finding the right curriculum for my kids.

as I turn 42...

Things I'm thankful for as I start my 43rd year...

829. hair color that goes over gray
830. friends who have cabins on the lake and invite you over
831. beautiful scenery while sitting on the deck
832. young people talking around a fire
833. older brother encouraging and cheering his little sister as she climbs the rope for the first time
834. strong young limbs swinging across the bars
835. cute little teddy bear puppy
836. sleek black/stainless steel stove
837. strawberries
838. green beans
839. big sister making smoothies for younger siblings
840. good friends
841. wonderful family
842. hanging clothes out on the line
843. corn stalks taller than my head
844. trains coming to collect grain that's been stored for 2 years
845. climbing lentil prices
846. funny moments
847. the drive-in
848. honey
849. pretty aprons made by a friend
850. plans to gather to sew
851. little boys finally cleaning their room by themselves
852. bags of old paper going out of the office as we clean
853. the dawn of a new school year
854. an uneventful summer with our explosive son
855. phone calls just because
856. parents who are near
857. accountability you can trust
858. a heart that can grieve loss for another
859. hope for healing
860. beautiful daughters
861. handsome sons
862. possibilites

Of Rain and Coming of Age

The rain is sighing, overflowing already saturated ground. Inside, tempers flare here and there, words exchanged at high decibels. Elsewhere children seek solitude in public places. Others look for attention from me when I just want my own space, too. The dryer runs in circles seeking to end the wetness within. It is a reflective moment. I am not surrounded by my tribe at the moment, they have wandered off to more interesting places. The rain continues outside the window and a little inside my heart. This summer has been busier than I was prepared for, even though I knew ahead of time what lay in store. "He restores my soul", He will fill up the places that have been drained dry, soften the rough edges worn thin by exhaustion, knead the muscles that have tensed. I need to find the space to let Him minister to me, this seems to be the lesson that is to be learned this summer, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I need to 'come-of-age', learn how to walk like He wants me, too. It's time for new lessons.

Tonight we'll celebrate a milestone, a coming of age. Boy #2 turns 12 on Sunday but we will not be home, so this evening we will mark the passage into manhood. His body is not yet aware he is a man-in-training, he still looks younger than his 12 years. His mind does not yet know that he will have to shoulder great responsibility one day. His spirit has not yet discovered the wealth of strength that resides there. He is 70 lbs of raw potential. The distance we have traveled with this young man is vast and twisting, over sharp rocks and rough ground. If I had known it would be so difficult would I have said yes? I don't know. Since he has come home again things have been better. When you step away you can see growth that you can't see up close. He is growing, changing, maturing. If I had said no I would not be a witness to the transformation that I am privy, too.

Oh Lord, give us the wisdom to mold, shape and train this man-child. Help us to guide him into the path you have created just for him. Thank you for opportunity you've given us to choose him, every day. Transform me into the mom he needs. Soften my words like you've softened the ground. Let my spirit be saturated with your love so that it oozes out with the merest drizzle. Make my spirit slick like our roads so that anger and depression cannot get a grip, that offenses simply slide off into the ditch, forgotten. Give me an abundant heart, rich and full, ready for harvest.

vaCATION CHRONICLES - PART 7

DAY 7 - MORE GREENDALE!!

We are still having fun in Greendale celebrating anniversaries and birthdays and generally enjoying each other's company.

We eat. We visit. We play. We eat. We visit. We play.

We visit the honey farm near by where a cousin works. Very cool since we have recently brought some hives to our farm and are looking forward to our first honey harvest.

We take loads of pictures, play, eat, visit and just keep going around that same wonderful bush all day long. We were going to pull into our RV park this evening but decide to postpone til tomorrow morning so the kids can hang out as long as possible. Honestly, it's not just the kids, the adults have no desire to go either.

We make plans to get back together later in the week and finally drag ourselves off to bed, but not before one more quick swim in the pool.

It is dark, it is quiet and it has been another good day.

VaCATION CHRONICLES - PART 6

DAY 6 - ON TO GREENDALE!

Today is another LONG driving day. We take the morning to do a little maintenance on the van and camper to get ready for the next leg of the trip. More visiting and fellowship.

We realize that we have WAY too many shoes between the lot of us. Think 8 people, each have 2 feet, therefore, shoes must come in pairs. Each of us has a pair of running shoes, a pair of sandals/flip flops and another pair of shoes. That adds up to 3 pairs of shoes/person at least. 24 pairs minimum! Abby suggests that we buy a container for shoes!! What an excellent idea. Our friends have plenty of these and they gift us with one! Sweet. We needed a big container to house our assortment of shoes.

We clean out the van and take out a garbage bag full of trash from all of our travels thus far! Crazy!

We arrive at our relatives in Greendale for supper and celebrating. Our poor van has had to work hard today pulling down the Coquihalla, but we make it without overheating and we are glad!

We're having a mini family reunion and we are up for some fun. The kids have to get over the awkward phase but that doesn't last that long. Soon they are jumping on trampolines, swimming in the pool, eating and XBoxing and heading out for a sleep-over.

Long into the night we visit and enjoy this wonderful family that we haven't seen in far too long.

Hit the hay at about 2 AM to the sounds of some crazy person ripping up the street outside. Good thing we weren't getting woken up for that. However, the redneck side of my husband showed up when he asked for his gun to shoot their tires out!

VaCATION CHRONICLES - PART 5

DAY 5 - DRIVING TO SALMON ARM

Today is a big driving day. Gonna take the rig through the first part of the mountains. Up, up we go!

We hooked up the Wii in the van an the kids play Wacky Racers for a very long time!! LOVE driving through the mountains. However, it is HOT today. The van has to work really hard to pull the camper through the high altitudes.

We arrive in Salmon Arm around 5 PM to enjoy a visit with our friends the Ratzlaffs. We visit, the kids play and we just relax!

Excellent.

And it was morning and evening the 5th day.

vaCATION CHRONICLES - PART 4

DAY 4 - BANFF - JOHNSTON CANYON

Now that we have enjoyed man's creation we are back to God's handiwork. Just a short drive into Banff National Park today to enjoy a day of hiking!

The campground we want is a first-come/first-served campground so we pray that we can get a spot. This proves to be no problem and we go to check out our site. After some VERY fancy manoeuvring Kelly manages to park the camper. Chris immediately starts a fire and Josiah practices his lumberjack skills. He decided that might be a fun profession and cuts enough firewood to last us a week!

We have some fun cooking up lunch over the fire. Note to self: wait until the flames die down a little more before flame-broiling the grilled cheese!

We decide to take the hike to the Upper Falls in Johnston Canyon (the Lower Falls are on the way). The older kids surge ahead while the parents lag slightly behind to let the 4 year old keep up. It takes us a couple of hours to make the three mile trek with the little one in tow but she manages just fine. We would have like to see the Ink Pots but that was 11 km round trip - a little far for the little girl.

We head back to our campsite and everyone crashes for a little before starting another fire to cook supper. We head down into Banff and then up to the Hot Springs for a little swim.

Nobody has any problem falling a sleep in our little camper in the woods. Mommy and Daddy have been telling silly stories at bed time. There has been laughter and silliness. We are definitely having fun.

And it was good!

VACATION CHRONICLES - PART 3

July 7 - CALAWAY PARK

Daddy turns 40 today! What a blessing to have a husband and father to my children such as he. We are celebrating by having a blast in the amusement park. At first we tried to stay together but that proved impossible given the heights and interests of our tribe. Divide and conquer quickly became the new strategy. Daddy took the oldest 4 and headed directly for the roller coaster. Mommy took the youngest 2 and headed to the 'horsies' - the Carousel.

Our kids are not as predictable as some would think. Our risk takers are not your most obvious crew. Sasha and Elizabeth were quite content on the little kid rides. Lizzy loved the little roller coaster, no doubt she will enjoy the big one when she is tall enough to ride. Sasha refused to go to the big one until Chris coaxed him into it - after that there was no stopping him, he went on everything. Sam was in for the kill right off the bat. Never having been on rides before he went for the jugular and started with the roller coaster and just kept going on all the craziest, scariest stuff he could find.

Abby was slightly more reticent but pulled off the roller coaster and several other 'big' rides. Josiah, having been to California in February, found these rides not so exciting and decided to catch some ZZZZZs after lunch. I think we spent just about as much time in the bathroom as we did on the rides with Lizzy, it seemed she had to go every hour or more! One time we didn't quite make it and I got the raw end of that stick. It was a good thing we could go in and out of the park and were close by with that camper!

We made a fancy supper to celebrate Kelly's birthday. Mom was far too up-tight still so Daddy took her for a ride to get her to calm down and chill a little.

VACATION CHRONICLES - PART 2

ROYAL TYRELL MUSEUM

Today started out with Mommy being a little stressed. Yesterday was a long day and everyone went to bed really late. Consequently, everyone woke up really late. Mommy is trying to get everyone to move a little faster knowing that we have to break camp, eat breakfast and get to the museum by 10:30 for the hike that she has booked.

We pull into the museum and walk to the museum as fast as our legs can carry us. As we approach the building Mommy notices a group heading out, it is exactly 10:30. She mutters, "Bet that's our tour." as she speed walks into the building to collect the tickets. The line is long and moving slowly as people deliberate over the activities they want to book. Doing this online was supposed to have taken care of all that but obviously it hasn't. Mommy is simmering in line when the rest of the family finally makes it into the building. Trying to keep the group corralled while waiting in line, Mommy begins to heat up a little more realizing that there is no way that we can catch the long-departed hiking group.

Finally, Mommy makes it to the front of the line and the perky clerk informs us that we are indeed hooped and that we will never catch up. Mommy boils over. There are no refunds and there is nothing to transfer our wasted money towards, it is simply gone. The children are not phased whatsoever by this turn of events. "We can just go on the hike by ourselves." they say, "We won't have to listen to some guy telling us that something is millions and millions of years old." they say. Mommy is still miffed because their lack of effort earlier on just cost her $20. Daddy tells Mommy to let it go...

We start out on the hike anyway...and have a glorious time looking at things, touching silt, finding flowering cacti and taking pictures. None of which we would have been able to do while on the guided hike. The kids all tell Mommy, "Wasn't that so much better?" She grudgingly agrees.

On to the museum and enjoying it's sights. Beautiful fossils, amazing displays, cool stuff everywhere. We enjoy it all.

We eat lunch back at the camper and then peruse the gift shop while waiting for our next booked activity, "Fossil Casting". This turns out to be a very fun time for us all as we make fossil casts of scorpions, teeth and claws. We carefully carry them back to the camper and declare that a fabulous time.

You can't leave Drumheller without a trip up the largest dinosaur in the world. We pay the money and chug up the monster staircase to catch the view out the T-Rex's mouth. It's still pretty cool. The little half spots the water park next door and we hoof it downstairs while Daddy is coming up to hang with the big kids. The littles are amazed that mom says go ahead and get wet even in their clothes. They forget that we have a whole camper full of clothes and a portable change room to boot. They have a blast in the water while waiting for the big kids and dad!

On to Calgary and Calaway Park. We decide that it is probably worth it to purchase supper in order to avoid nasty attitudes later on. We do so and arrive in the Calaway Park RV camping in time to set up and go to bed. We are all looking forward to Daddy's birthday and a fun day in the amusement park! We do, however, feel somewhat small and insignificant compared to the crazy big RVs surrounding us. We spot license plates from BC to Quebec and a few from the States. We are definitely wearing the 'cloak of humility' in our little trailer that is turning out to be just fine.

And it was good.

VACATION CHRONICLES - PART 1

Day 1

Rain poured down as we pulled out of our yard for our family vacation. I'm wondering if we should have packed more rain gear. We drive at a snail's pace into town for fear of jack-knifing the trailer on our rain-saturated roads. On the way in I realize that the keys to the camper are not in the van. After some questioning we realize that they are indeed locked in the camper, they are the only set.

We arrive at the Co-op to gas up and break-in. Kelly cuts his hand, we get soggy, we get the keys, we duct tape plastic over the broken window and we are finally ready to hit the road. Today is our longest drive. We were going to leave in the morning. It is noon!

Our first stop is supposed to be Drumheller but it ends up being Rosetown for burgers at A&W. We stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a few supplies and lose a kid. Thank goodness we have cell phones, smart child went and found the van when he couldn't find mom. Dad was at the van and calmed down panicked kid and panicked mom after a cell phone call to assure her that he had the missing child!

Eventually we get to Drumheller and pull into the Dinosaur Trail RV Resort. What a beautiful campsite. Lots of trees, very easy to find everything and family friendly - very important when you have a big family!

This is our first night to set-up. We manage to get most things done but realize we should have pulled the awning out the next morning when our picnic table appears to be rather soggy after an early morning rain. This is also the first night we, all eight of us, are sleeping in the camper together.

Friends join us for an evening campfire. It is good to sit and visit after the long day. The kids discover the gift shop and plunder its contents buying up dinosaur doo-dads.

We tuck in for the night after long discussions about who will sleep where, many trips to the bathroom, digging for toothbrushes, finding pyjamas and all that night time stuff...and it isn't too bad.

We have survived the first day and it is good!

Coming Home

Our family is back together again. All the pieces of the puzzle are recovered and the box seems to be shaking already.

Transition is hard. I remember from birthing babies that transition was the most difficult part of the birthing process.

It wasn't a quiet homecoming, it was coming home to a loud, crazy year-end party with over 30 people running around. His own coming of age as he now becomes one of them officially, not just the pastor's son allowed to hang out.

Trying to fit in with friends that haven't been seen for a few months. Fitting back into the sibling pecking order. Fitting back into a bedroom. Fitting back under parent's authority.

I'm not sure yet how to deal with it all. I'm exhausted from the marathon of the last few weeks and months. Seeding is finally finished, spraying is under way, usually almost done by now. Holiday weeks looming on the horizon with long lists of to-do's before then. Youth activities are one less thing to think about. Homeschooling is done for the year and the reports are in. So now it is gardens and packing and in the midst of that re-learning how to handle my little storm cloud son.

How can a person be so full of gentleness and tension at the same time? Why does the tension had to come out like it does? How do I deal with it all without turning into a control-freakish paranoid crazy woman?

I don't know.

Perhaps I'll start with sleep.

YC Thankfulness (828)

Things that I am thankful for from my YC adventure:

806. Our great group of youth.
807. Fun passengers.
808. Silliness.
809. Tim Hortons.
810. My first ever chocolate latte.
811. Speakers who inspire kids to listen and show respect.
812. Crazy rock bands whom I can't understand but my son sings along with knowing every single word!
813. Those same bands who stop and speak about the love of Jesus - that I can understand.
814. Earplugs - for listening to those bands.
815. Opportunities for service.
816. The generosity of our community to support us in this venture.
817. The hospitality of strangers (not to us, but to the majority of our group) at the last minute - our own personal miracle.
818. Grandparents who look after the rest of our tribe while we're gone.
819. Praying partners in ministry.
820. Good news while we're gone - a friend's dog had puppies!
821. No injuries.
822. No vehicle problems.
823. Good attitudes over all - even while eating in the rain.
824. Servant hearts on display.
825. Extra pairs of shoes.
826. That the event was indoors.
827. The ladies that got our food ready for us.
828. Watching the sun come up as we drive home.
829. Changed hearts.
830. Prayer for revival in Canada.
831. Our incredible country.

an attitude of gratitue (805)

771. Plum blossoms caressing my neck as I walk beneath the trees.
772. warmth from a small sleeping body as I carry her to her bed.
773. long limbs sprawled out and I wonder how that ever fit inside me.
774. tiny plants meet mother earth
775. rain
776. sunshine
777. the maker of both
778. new cats
779. old dogs
780. anticipation
781. date night
782. regal, beautiful older women
783. delegation
784. a change of plans that makes things better
785. visits with dearly beloved folk
786. big smiles after a smooth performance
787. a job well done
788. phone calls that bless
789. the hum of my washing machine taking away the dirt and stains
790. little boys in new shirts
791. the bond of brothers
792. the love of sisters
793. young limbs that are now strong enough to do the tasks of a man
794. helping hands
795. my bed after a long day
796. mornings when it doesn't hurt so much
797. moments with my saviour
798. lisping prayers
799. delight over a newly learned song
800. playing duets with my children
801. trees laden with white dresses
802. spears of green through black earth
803. the scent of damp earth
804. a lawn freshly cut
805. a hug from someone you haven't seen in awhile

I Have a Dream

I Have a Dream
copyright lani wiens, 2010
a fresh flowers original

"Without oxen a stable stays clean,
but you need a strong ox for a large harvest."
Proverbs 14:4

I like clean. I like it a lot. However, with a busy household of eight people and a lifestyle of ministry and hospitality, mess is inevitable. Mess shows that there is life. Wherever there is life, you can be sure there will be a mess. If you don't believe me check out a birthing room sometime.

We like to avoid mess and work as much as possible. As a society we keep inventing machines and gadgets to help us avoid mess and work. On our farm we have a dream. It's a big messy dream with a lot of work involved. Some days I strongly dislike that dream because of all the work in entails. Most days, though, I wish the dream was reality.

We would like to be able to be as self-sustaining on our farm as possible, producing our own food, power and income. We have the bare beginnings of this in our first building that we've moved on. It's just a shell now, but with a lot of effort it will house chickens and a milk cow. From that we will be able to produce much of what eats up our grocery bill at the moment. We already have a fairly big garden area but we are looking at ways to make it more productive and produce more in a smaller area. We want more fruit trees, a wind turbine, a few head of cattle for beef, possibly a pig or two. Can you see it? I can. I can see the wonder of the harvest, gleaming shelves of jars full of fruit and vegetables, frothy milk being turned into butter and cheese, Freezers full of meat and vegetables. Golden wheat being milled for lovely bread (we already do that) spread with honey from our own beehives.

That lovely bubble pops around the time I think about how long it will take to get there and how much work it will take to make the dream a reality. I like the clean stable, but what I really want is the harvest, which means an ox is going to have to move in and oxen tend to poop. Yup, if you want to get a harvest you're going to have to deal with a little of that (or maybe a lot). All of that manure is great for the produce harvest.

Along with all of the dreams of our farm we have dreams for ministry as well. We see young people alive with passion for Jesus, giving up the things that hinder and distract them so that they can be sold out to their Father. We see passionate worship, intense prayer, hands and hearts that serve. We're not there yet. We could keep a clean ministry stable just having everyone pass through our stable and not leaving a lot in their wake other than a few fingerprints that are easily wiped away, or we can let them take up residence. We have some oxen in there doing their thing. Those oxen need to be trained, tended to and loved, they need to be fed and watered and yes, someone needs to tend to the poop. It tends to stink, but we can't leave it in the barn. In the end, after we've done the work, we'll get the large harvest. I can see it.

I'm looking for the harvest, I anticipate the harvest and I will revel in the harvest as it comes, in the meantime, I'm getting out my work gloves and rubber boots and a big shovel.

sunshine thanksgiving (770)

The sun/son is shining and my need to be thankful grows...

731. overflowing dugouts
732. water standing in ditches
733. brothers playing catch while waiting for the bus
734. a young boy whose voice is raised in worship carrying over the rest of the congregation
735. older sister reading to younger siblings all cuddled up together on the couch
736. discovered treasures in the second hand shop
737. young adults who mature and become helping hands together in ministry
738. phone lines that keep me connected to my young man so far away
739. dreams of little girls that tell her that her brother will be coming home
740. schoolwork quietly accomplished
741. seeds that grow into seedlings
742. warm, damp earth
743. little hands helping plant
744. the distant rumble of tractors
745. heavenly sunshine flooding my soul
746. scripture that speaks truth as we gather around the table
747. watching stressful tears dry as words of life pour in a troubled heart
748. accountability
749. long friendships that are deep and lasting
750. the hum of my sewing machine after a long absence
751. older hands serving younger hands
752. the profound privilege to watch these tender shoots grow up around my table
753. a good cup of tea
754. well-written books that lift the spirit
755. offerings of little fingers under bathroom doors
756. warm baths after a day outside
757. working side by side with my children
758. hearing words of affirmation and praise for my children from another's lips
759. calm, steady, loving presence of my devoted husband
760. a hug between father and son
761. playing and singing together as a family
762. laughter
763. new babies
764. shining eyes of a bride-to-be giving thanks for the blessings she's received
765. young people walking across the stage to a new chapter
766. satisfaction over a job well done
767. pinning clothes to the clothesline with my little girl
768. the smell of sunshine in my sheets
769. promise encased in paper packages...waiting
770. the air I breathe

The Power of Words

"The pen is mightier than the sword." - Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Have you ever been the focus of a nasty rumor or inaccurate gossip? Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone's angry tirade? Or worse yet, have you been the one dishing out the venom?

Over the last few weeks this theme has risen in several things I've been reading. How do I use my words? Words once sent out can't be taken back, like dandelion puffs, they scatter on the breath never to return. Words have the power to give life and encouragement or death and destruction. So often I find myself responding to my children with irritation in my voice. I felt chastised when I read an article reminding me that I am not only parenting my children but the generations to come as I sow my words into my children.

Scripture tells us that the power of life and death are on the tongue. I saw that again this morning as I carefully chastised my son for his disobedience. I began harshly with a superior attitude, saw him crush and crumple and realizing what I had done, carefully explained to him with gentleness and love how his actions had brought him to the place he was currently in. I saw life flow back into his spirit as he threw his scrawny arms around my neck asking for forgiveness. What a stark difference. It humbled me once again.

How cautious am I with the words I speak as I sit with friends watching my kids play sports or chatting after church in the foyer? Are the words I'm speaking going to cause hurt or misunderstanding to someone who overhears only snatches of what I say? I just read a book that had that very thing as its theme. One person overheard another make a judgment about someone they didn't really know, based on something they had heard and the whole town was suddenly up in arms, a family was desperately wounded and all manner of hurt and venom was poured out. Have I done that or participated in some way in another getting hurt by what I've said?

Lord, put a guard over my lips, if I cannot speak with love and gentleness, make me mute. Compose my heart and fill it with your Spirit when someone irritates me or there is frustration creating havoc in my mind. I want my words to bring healing, comfort and understanding. I want my example to bleed through my children so that they, too, respond to one another with gentleness rather than harsh criticism. Bless my tongue to speak your truth, seasoned with love Father. Amen.

Approved Clothing Guidelines for Reading at School

Today I had the privelege of going to school to read to my 6 year olds' class. Apparently he was a little concerned that I might embarass him or something. Last night he says, "I think you should wear your green sweater to school tomorrow."
"Which green sweater are you talking about? I've packed away most of the winter things."

"Open your drawer and I'll show you which one I'm talking about," he says as he walks to my bedroom.

"Okay," I say, curious as to where this is all heading. I open my drawer and show him the two green shirts that are there.

"That one!" He exclaims as he points to the lime green shirt, "You should wear that one and your black pants."

The only black pants I can think of are also packed away for the summer but I go to my closet and pretend to look for them, finally telling him that they aren't there. He bursts into the closet and says, "No, no, the black pants like the ones you're wearing." I look down at my legs. Aha, I think, my yoga pants. I pull them off the stack, "These ones?"

"Yes, those ones. Now put them on so I can see what it looks like."
"Right now?"
"Yes, I want to check to make sure it's good for your day at school."
"Okay," I say and proceed to change into my Sasha-approved outfit.
As I come out he gives me the thumbs up. "That looks great, now fold them up and put them on your dresser so you remember to where them for your day at school. I'll write you a note so you won't forget." Which he proceeds to do. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing, he was so serious about the whole thing!!

When I arrived at school I was curious to see what his reaction would be to the black sweater I had added to his approved ensemble. He wasn't impressed. He dead-panned me and said, "You added a sweater."

I don't think I embarassed him too badly, everyone liked wrapping up in my quilts as I read, "The Quiltmaker's Gift" to them. I'm pretty sure he was okay with me when all was said and done but it sure was funny.

blank

This morning I had about 4 different ideas about very eloquent things to write. Spiritually uplifting things, somewhat humorous things, insightful things.

Now my mind is blank.

Sorry.

Finding my Niche

Do you ever wonder what your role is? I have taught many times (and been taught) that God created each of us uniquely and each of us has a particular role to play in this world - nobody else can fill our spot. Sometimes, however, I struggle with exactly what my spot is! Unfortunately I am one of those people who likes affirmation through the things that I can do. I can do lots of things but I can always find someone else who does that thing better than I do. So if they are already filling that spot where exactly is mine?

I am a stay-at-home, home-schooling, pastor/farmer's wife/mom. We live in a little bitty town. Opportunity for employment isn't huge and even if it was, I don't have time to work outside our farm because the farm takes all of our time. We have big plans and dreams for it and they'll take plenty of time, too. My husband constantly assures me that my value is not tied up in what I can do and I know that. Scripture is abundantly clear on the subject, but I really would like to know if there is something else I should be doing, getting ready to do or am I already doing it and not aware that I am!

Even this blog is a conundrum to me right now. I have thousands of thoughts that I think I should blog and I don't. This blog began as a way for me to archive the articles I've written and actually had a bit of a following at one time. Now it lies dormant, like my flower beds and it saddens me to think of it, yet I'm not sure it's time for a resurrection just yet.

I guess I'll just have to wait on the Lord and see, no answers are popping out of the computer screen just now.