I did finally have my words with God and let Him know how upsetting all of this was, finally let go of the hurt and grief. He's still providing for us, there is still food in my cupboards, there will be money in the bank again one day. Yesterday we heard the truth that we all worship something..what was I worshipping? Not the saviour, the anticipation of extra cash, the possibilities of what could happen with that extra money...something like that, but it wasn't Jesus, Jehovah Jireh. I was worshipping the provision and not the provider. I needed to repent.
To often in my day I am putting the mundane work tasks above the relationships that are so precious to me, worshipping the tasks rather than the task-giver. I forget to be thankful and I get impatient with the kids and with myself. I feel sorry for myself instead of seeking the Comforter, who know how weary my spirit is, who knows how crushing this September has been.
Today I feel like I turned the corner, surrounded by my kids and their cousins and hanging out the wash and the smells of yet another batch of salsa. This is the life I want, surrounded by relationships with people I love and who love me even after I mess up.
Today I can choose the Eucharisteo, savor the hard things and the good things all together.
Gifts of grace, joy and thanksgiving.
And the weight is suddenly not so heavy.
1160. 4 boys digging carrots
1161. funny five-fingered carrots found
1162. singing with my girl as we chop vegetables for salsa, "Got a couple dents in my fender, got a couple rips in my jeans..."
1163. Francesca Battestelli
1164. Steven Curtis Chapman's, "Do Everything" Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you, 'cause He made You...
1165. pretty fabric that I forgot I had that will be just perfect for the pillow covers I need to make!
1166. a friend dropping in
1167. selling some jars of salsa - always surprised when someone likes what
I make enough to pay for it
1168. anticipating our trip to Virginia - get to see Amish country up close and personal!!!!!!!
1169. the new Turtle Top van
1170. Pastor's Retreat coming up!