Tuesday, March 22, 2011

In Defence of Rebecca Black (not the song, just her)

I have felt the conviction of the Lord on this one.  When I saw the video for the song, "Friday" sung by Rebecca Black I agreed with all the nay-sayers, the song is not great lyrically and the video isn't very impressive.  However, I must say I have to repent.
This little girl went about making her 13-year old dream come true - to record a song and put it on YouTube.  Her parents encouraged her, because, as parents do, they think she's amazing!  Did any of them think for one minute that millions of people would watch that video and that the majority of them would declare it a disaster.  I don't think so.  They were just doing their thing, fulfilling a dream.  And, we, as a society, shot it down in an epic way.
Am I brave enough to record the songs I've written and put them on YouTube?  Nope, so Rebecca is braver than I am.  I'm not too excited about my dreams being shot down, particularly not on such a grand scale.  I'm sure that little girl cried her eyes out all weekend.  Who am I to criticize her dream and discourage her from doing what she loves to do.  I will no longer sow judgement and rejection to Rebecca.
Here's to you Rebecca, I apologize for deriding your song and raining on your dream.  Please forgive me.  I pray that you will use this opportunity for good and that you will learn that there is more to life than partyin'.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

hope for the now

I am at home alone this wintery Sunday morning.  I have been sick all week and didn't feel the need to spread my germs any further.  I have a dear friend that said, "Introspection is highly overrated!" but today I am looking inward...pondering.

Pondering how to go forward in this life we're living, where to take the next step, searching for the next word to say.  I took a course last week that filled me with hope for the future.  A future with healing and forgiveness and restoration.  But in the meantime I am living in broken things trying to survive and keep damage to a minimum.

I have conflicting responsibilities.  To one child I have the responsibility to bring healing opportunities, to look past the prickly exterior and to love unconditionally.  To other children I need to create a safe atmosphere where they are not in fear of what will happen next.  These two are difficult to reconcile.
We had ten days of no exploding which ended yesterday and took a piece of my hope with it.  I can hope for the future but living in the now is really, really hard.

As I spent time with the Lord this morning, His gentle Spirit taught me something that I need to teach my children.  It's a simple truth and one that I have known, but it came fresh today.  I was empathizing with mothers who long for a safe place for their children, whatever the circumstances may be.  As I was in the place of sorrowing over the safety of not only my children but so many others who are by no means safe a song came through the air.  It spoke of a hurting, broken person who was safe as they sat near His feet.  The safest place for me and my kids is in the arms of Jesus.  I must teach them that no matter what is going on around them, there is a place of safety.  Their body may become bruised and hurt but their spirit can be completely safe and protected.  What a beautiful promise from God this morning.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Hello, my name is Lani and I'm a Control Freak

Snow is falling outside my window today.  It's the pretty, soft, floaty kind of snow that gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling.  Particularly when you are inside your warm house in a fuzzy bathrobe! 
Last week was not a warm, fuzzy week.  I took a class in addiction relapse prevention therapy.  I learned some very interesting things.  One thing that I learned is that all of us are addicted to something.  The definition of addiction that we were using was any coping mechanism we use over and over again even when we know that it is unhealthy and/or destructive.  That definition broadens the typical definition of addiction far wider than just drugs and alcohol.  I spent the week struggling to figure out what my addiction really looks like, I wasn't trying to avoid it, it was just very elusive.
My particular slippery fish is control.  Apparently I have a strong desire to be in control of, well, everything, because something terrible will happen if I don't, who knew!  Everyone else around me it seems.  My dear, sweet husband actually laughed and said, "I could have told you that." as did my mother, one my dearest friends and my former pastor.  Really, people!
So here I am, trying to learn how my control freakish-ness not only has affected me but all of my relationships as well.  I am seeing with new eyes where it had it's origins and how it has been steering my course ever since.  That twisted little robber worms it's way into every aspect of my life and I hate it.  I can see it now that I've called it out and I believe there may be a smoking gun in my future.  But I have a long way to go.
In the meantime, I'm going to let the peace of Christ rule in my heart and mind and just like that lovely bit of white fluffy stuff is covering up piles of dog poop and dirty old snow, God's transforming power is going to come and renew my mind, not just covering it up, but actually making it new.  I don't like the dog poop or dirty old snow in my heart, it needs to get cleaned up and that dear friends is what's happening here.