I am at home alone this wintery Sunday morning. I have been sick all week and didn't feel the need to spread my germs any further. I have a dear friend that said, "Introspection is highly overrated!" but today I am looking inward...pondering.
Pondering how to go forward in this life we're living, where to take the next step, searching for the next word to say. I took a course last week that filled me with hope for the future. A future with healing and forgiveness and restoration. But in the meantime I am living in broken things trying to survive and keep damage to a minimum.
I have conflicting responsibilities. To one child I have the responsibility to bring healing opportunities, to look past the prickly exterior and to love unconditionally. To other children I need to create a safe atmosphere where they are not in fear of what will happen next. These two are difficult to reconcile.
We had ten days of no exploding which ended yesterday and took a piece of my hope with it. I can hope for the future but living in the now is really, really hard.
Addendum:
As I spent time with the Lord this morning, His gentle Spirit taught me something that I need to teach my children. It's a simple truth and one that I have known, but it came fresh today. I was empathizing with mothers who long for a safe place for their children, whatever the circumstances may be. As I was in the place of sorrowing over the safety of not only my children but so many others who are by no means safe a song came through the air. It spoke of a hurting, broken person who was safe as they sat near His feet. The safest place for me and my kids is in the arms of Jesus. I must teach them that no matter what is going on around them, there is a place of safety. Their body may become bruised and hurt but their spirit can be completely safe and protected. What a beautiful promise from God this morning.
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