If the last 11 years of parenting have taught me anything...it's that I know nothing. However, there are a few gems that I have picked up along the way...
1. If a three year old makes his bed...someone should get a marshmallow.
2. If a four year old tells you you aren't old...believe him.
3. If an eight year old tells you you're beautiful...believe him.
4. If, after you have gone to the hairdresser and said hairdresser gives you a fab do with highlights and everything and your kid who doesn't do well with change wrinkles his nose and tells you that you don't look like his mom anymore...take it as a compliment.
5. When you suggest to your child that perhaps they should get out their art supplies and make something, they will whine and complain about how boring art is, how they can't do anything, etc., etc. If, however, you get out YOUR art supplies they will immediately be inspired to do something that takes a lot of YOUR effort, YOUR art supplies and is worthy of being displayed in the Louvre, you on the other hand will get nothing done and be left to clean up the mess.
6. Chores are fun when there are large pieces of machinery involved.
7. Vaseline is a dangerous household substance.
8. Flour, even just a little, can make your whole floor into a skating rink.
9. One chocolate chip is capable of covering a toddler in chocolate from head to toe including the surrounding vicinty up to 20 ft in any direction.
10. If they loved it today they will hate it tomorrow.
11. If it was fun today it will be boring tomorrow.
12. If they could do it today they will miraculously lose that ability overnight.
13. They cannot hear you when you call them for supper, but they can hear the opening of the chip bag from across the yard...when you're in the far basement corner...under a blanket.
14. If you have recently filled up the soap dispenser, small hands will see to it that it goes immediately to half full. It will, however, remain that way indefinately.
15. Toothbrushing is only fun when there is a full tube of toothpaste.
16. Toothpaste is an excellent, long lasting adhesive.
17. Your bathroom mirror can remain at the same rate of dirtiness for many days. The day it gets cleaned, however, will be the day that someone with small hands will decide that the now full soap dispenser is a good substance for making handprints.
18. If you finally splurge and buy a brand new lip gloss/stick your pre-schoolers will find it and it will be gone...save yourself the dough and use the vaseline...you can probably wipe it off the wall for a long time, it doesn't dry out quickly.
19. If you are missing some kind of liquid that comes in a tube, first check your windows and walls.
20. The toilet paper only runs out when mom is on the throne.
There it is folks, my little bits of wisdom...got anymore!