Saturday, January 15, 2011

trust - round ??

I've posted before that our life with our #2 son is more than a little difficult.  We have had to make difficult decisions to ensure our family's health and safety.  We find ourselves at that point again.  How do you help someone who is desperate for help but is at a place of hopelessness?  We are exploring possibilities that no parent should ever have to.  Yet when I talk to another mom who has been making these kind of decisions longer than I have, she gave me a gentle rebuke...this life isn't guaranteed to be easy.  When Jesus said take up this cross there was a guarantee of pain. 
I'm not sure that I was prepared for this kind of pain, in fact I know I wasn't.  I've watched friends walk through horrendous things with their kids.  I watched them fold into themselves to conserve energy for the battle they were facing.  Now I find myself doing the same thing, there just isn't enough of me to give out much.  In order to survive emotions get a little numb, the brain only takes in so much, the body only puts out so much.
Would I change it?  I don't think so.  There is something to be learned from this journey that I can't learn any other way.  I pray that my trust will be strengthened.  That seems to be the theme word for this year for me.  The Lord has given me many different words over the years and perhaps there has been a trust year before, I can't remember.  Whether there was or not - I need to learn it afresh.  Trust that God can heal my son, my family, myself.  Trust that the wounds that are inflicted are going to bring about beauty of character and wisdom of soul.  Trust that we will somehow survive the ordeal and perhaps even thrive in it.
Father, I believe, help my unbelief...

3 comments:

Princess Warrior said...

Praying for you flower lady and holding you deep in my heart:)

K_I_T_ said...

Oh Lani. THinking and praying for you. (i promise i will pray...)

Marcy said...

I'm sorry that you are walking in this path of pain. I know that God will lead you through it...those words seem so "pat". Praying for you, sister.