Monday, April 25, 2011

A New Focus

It's Monday morning and most of the kiddos are at home on their Easter break.  We have a few extra friends around as well. So it's a little crazy with all the bodies but not stressful 'cause my most stressful kid isn't here at the moment, he's at a friends' house and we're enjoying the peace that brings.

Shocking?  Well, if you lived with us every day you wouldn't be shocked.  Life in our house isn't very typical by any standard.  about 12 and a half years ago we met this sweet little fellow that my mom and dad were fostering.  A few months later they all moved in with us and his care transferred to us.  Then a several months after that he got moved out into a 'permanent' home.  Seven months after that his permanent home called us and said it wasn't working so we hopped in our van and went and picked him up.  He's been with us ever since and our lives have never been the same.

I had this ideal dream of perfect children, a perfect home, a perfect life where everything made sense and went according to my plan.  Surprisingly enough, since I'm not God, He decided we needed to shake things up a bit, my perfect picture is in a thousand pieces all over my floor!!

So here we are with six kids, a farm, 4 dogs and anticipating 9 more animals.  I'm pretty sure we're nuts.  That sweet little fellow came back as a mad little bantam rooster, and has been mad ever since!  He's been tested and poked and prodded and slapped with labels of every kind.  We've only figured out in the last few months that what we're most likely dealing with is attachment disorder.  While we don't have an official diagnosis all our research and unofficial diagnosis' confirm what we've been scratching our heads over all this time.  While it doesn't make life easier, at least we know what we're dealing with...finally!

Unfortunately it makes other people rather uncomfortable.  Most of my weeks are really stressful and I'm just trying to keep my nose above water while we patch up holes and clean up all the stuff that's been thrown around the house (we figure he's so good at baseball because of all the practice he gets hurling my stuff all over! :))  We deal with emotional aftermath of toxic volcanic verbage every day.  And, unless you live with it you can't possibly understand it...sorry, you just can't.

In an effort to help others understand what we deal with and hopefully further my own healing (I don't talk about this much), I'm going to start talking here about our life, the ups, downs and ins and outs of living with a bunch of kids, a farm, a pastor, one crazy mom and a God who loves  us all and dealing with attachment disorder, etc.  Sorry, it may be a bumpy ride.


Audrey said...

We're here to hold you up! Even though we might be a couple of hours away! Thanks for sharing.

(I'm assuming something came up yesterday, hope all is well... yes, I'm off fb and did get your note, thx)

Kimmy said...

Lani, I'm a friend of Carol's and I know your husband from my days at Bible school. I have a stepson with this diagnosis so I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. And you're right. Unless you are living with it/in it, you cannont begin to understand what it is like. I have a private blog that chronicles some of our experience with our son, who is now 20 years old. It is not a fun story, but it may help you to read it because I'm sure you'll be able to identify with much of what my husband and I have encountered with our son. I have not updated it in about 3 + years, but I'm thinking I may start writing there again to provide some updates. If you would like an invite to the blog, please e-mail me at wkarendt at yourlink dot ca
My open blog is which is where you can link to my Reactive Attachment Disorder blog.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers as you sort through the newfound knowledge you have about your son.

Marcy said...

If this is a new diagnosis for you Lani, I think getting yourself some online and real life support. If you have been down the RAD road all by yourself for all these years, well, you need to know you are NOT ALONE in it. so many things that you all go through. We've had some attachment challenges but minor in comparison to what most deal with. I read some really encouraging yet gritty blogs of moms that are going through similar to what you are. If you want the locations of them, let me know. Being educated is really a key. That, and a healthy spiritual support and understanding from your church and family around you.

Marcy said...

Oh, and I'm here for you to lean on if you need a place to vent or whatever. I will be praying specifically for your son and for his healing.

Lani - the flowerlady said...

Thanks for your comments and support, Marcy I've joined the MomsRelate blog thinger and found some good stuff there. I'm thankful that we haven't had to deal with some of the things that others have, but what we have had is pretty nasty. Thanks all for praying for us.