Tuesday, June 26, 2012

When the Mirror Isn't So Kind

I asked the Lord for a little encouragement about an hour ago while I had my head stuck in the washing machine cleaning out debris from an item that shouldn't have gone through the washer **ahem - no one to blame but myself for that one!**  The encouragement didn't come in the form I was expecting... it came looking a little more like a slap of the 2 x 4 variety.

Let me just say that so far 2012 has been rather taxing and these last few weeks even more so.  The weather has not been helpful.  I live in Saskatchewan where it is normally pretty dry and hot at this time of year.  It's hot all right but the humidity is at about 97 per cent.  It's taking the stuffing out of this little prairie girl.  I don't feel like doing anything...and I have plenty to do.  The kids have been bringing home their school supplies which are collecting in a big basket in the kitchen.  We're getting our home school supplies for next year and they are stacking up in various places.  The weeds are growing taller by the second as are the laundry piles.  With summer here all of us seem to be taking showers every single day and there are never any towels in the closet.  My husband brought in the coolers from the van leftover from the youth group beach party.  I think you might be getting the picture, there just aren't enough hours or energy in the day.  And me, I'm feeling sorry for myself.

I think I got to looking at my friends who seem to have enough of everything - energy, time, money, cleanliness and willpower and I was getting jealous.  I won't say our life is easy because it isn't, living with a kid with RAD is exhausting even on the very best days. I've been focusing on all the issues and problems we're dealing with rather than all the truth that is mine to claim each and every day.  I even read Lamentations this week, I should have held onto the good news there but I was stuck in the lament.

Here's the slap.  My mom was just here with my RAD boy.  She is a saint when it comes to that guy and provides respite for us two days a week.  As she was leaving she shared something with me that she had recently read, "When we focus on ourselves we walk out of our own deliverance."  I wasn't sure I agreed with the author of the statement and was mulling it over when I realized how true it is.  My deliverance from my melancholy state is right in front of me but I'm too busy navel-gazing and ruminating over my molehill of issues rather than looking at all the goodness in front of me.  The TRUTH of lamentations, "Great is His Faithfulness, His mercies are new EVERY morning, (not just the ones that I feel like getting out of bed)"  That passage goes on to say that it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord, implying that it will come!

The mirror showed me that I am my own problem, wallowing around in self-pity, feeling sorry for myself is not going to fix our financial mess, it will not get my house clean, the weeds pulled, the laundry done or any of the projects that need doing around here.  Self-pity will not train my kids in the way they should go nor will they get me prepared to homeschool next year.  My sister-in-law had this quote up on facebook and I had to smile when I read it, it was so appropriate for this post;
‎"You only lose energy when life becomes dull in your mind. Your
mind gets bored and therefore tired of doing nothing. Get
interested in something! Get absolutely enthralled in something!
Get out of yourself! Be somebody! Do something. The more you lose
yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you
will have."

--Norman Vincent Peale
1898-1993, Pastor, Speaker and Author

As I'm typing this I can actually feel energy returning to my body, as I confessed my sin of laziness and jealousy and self-pity, the burden started to lift, my shoulders still hurt and I need to get in touch with my massage therapist but my heart is lighter.  The mirror that the Lord turned on my heart wasn't very kind today, but it was forgiving and redemptive, which is alot more than I can say for my bathroom mirror. :)

Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised.  Today I will thank Him for:

1. The resources that we needed to get the kids through the school year.
2.  The money I got paid today for 2 projects I was asked to do that turned out super!
3.  The book I was asked to review, it may not be much but someone asked me to write something!  WooHOO!
4.  The new ringtones on my phone - they're fun!
5.  Two new babies this week, 2 little girls fresh from heaven to bless their families, welcome Elizabeth and Ella.
6.  3 baskets of laundry folded and I didn't make a pile of socks.
7.  One little girl playing so prettily with her little Cozy Critter house - I love that she knows how to play.
8.  Respite.
9.  My amazing husband who does so much to let me know I am beautiful and loved.
10. For the teachers that poured their hearts into my kids this year at school.
11. For the stack of books that we're going to dive into in the fall with 2 of the kids.
12. The opportunity to homeschool.
13. Seeing the finances in their ugly reality so that we can make better choices for this next season.
14. Friends who ask me to go golfing....seriously not going to happen! but I'm glad they asked.
15. A boy who's about to turn 16 who knows what he wants and is willing to do the work to get it.
16. That the internet started working today so I could type this.
17.  My friends on main street who are always fun to chat with.
18.  The majesty of thunder and lighting.
19.  Growing plants.
20.  The animals are back in the fence.
21.  I don't feel like gnawing off my own arm anymore!

Lani - the flowerlady

on facebook as:  Lani Fast Wiens
on Pinterest as: Lani Wiens

1 comment:

sonya said...

You're not the only one who's been feeling that way...great post BTW!