Friday, July 15, 2011

antithesis

If you haven't read the previous post stop and do so now.

Thank you.

Yesterday was the antithesis of Wednesday.  Wednesday was all shrouded in glory and grace and I came home with a heart so full and managed the little mini-meltdown that occurred when the rejection button got hit and I went to bed joy-filled and content.

Thursday couldn't have been more different.  The good news is that perhaps the severe attack means that we're on the right track and took a little ground on Wednesday that the enemy wanted back on Thursday.  My son, who was sweet and co-operative and enjoying the company of his brother on Wednesday decided it was time to torment, bully and beat his brother on Thursday.  By noon there had been no younger sibling that hadn't been bullied or hurt.  It was time for a break and so off he went to hang with grandma and let me put the shattered emotions back together.

This is the part of the thankful life that I really don't know how to do.  It says to give thanks in ALL circumstances but I honestly don't know how to be thankful for a kid running through the house with scissors with a maniacal grin on his face.  I don't know how to be thankful for a little boy crying because his mouth is bleeding where he got hit with a flying toy.

I can be thankful for the grace to NOT lose it in the midst of the fight.  I can be thankful that grandma was available to keep him for awhile.  I can be thankful that Kelly wasn't too far from home and could intervene quickly.  I can be thankful that the damage was minimal this time.  I can be thankful that he went without a fight this time.  and I can be thankful that he wanted to come home in the end even though we didn't let him.

I can be thankful for those things but that isn't the circumstance.  Is there a difference between being thankful IN the circumstance versus being thankful FOR the circumstance?  The bread of the now was so sweet and fresh on Wednesday, it was stale and moldy on Thursday and yet I must eat the bread and drink the cup that was bitter because this is the journey and the Word says it will ALL work together for good because I am His and I am called to THIS.  This mess, this glory, this circumstance for today.

I remember a friend writing me words of encouragement who knows a similar journey and she said, who knew that taking up that cross would hurt so much.  We expect only beauty and only easy and yet the Word says, "In this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world."  and "WHEN you encounter trouble...it will produce character."  Character is being birthed in me, I pray it is good and godly, that my responses and reactions are ones that please the character creator.  I obviously need a lot of work on character *grin*. 

1 comment:

Marcy said...

Ah Lani, it is so hard. That struggle to be thankful in and for everything. there are two different places in the Bible where one says "in" and one says "for". Don't ask me where they are at the moment b/c I am terrible at references. You have grown so much through these times of trial that it has given you perspective amidst the pain. You are growing, you are a light. Your efforts will NOT be all for nothing. Know that. Praying for you right now, friend. Blessings upon you and your family.

Marcia