Saturday, July 09, 2011

the hardest person to forgive

I can hear the weight of it in his voice as he tells me they have to keep going because of his mistake...they can't stop for supper.

I see the weight of it sitting on my boy's shoulders, the guilt and shame of his exposed sin bending his shoulders over.

I feel it in my chest when the counselor says, "But can you forgive yourself?"

When she first told me how hard it would be to forgive myself I had a little chuckle inside.  How hard could that be after all.  It was hard to forgive the ones who wronged me.  Certainly forgiving myself couldn't be as hard as all that was, but the words stuck in my throat and didn't want to come out.  The hung on to my soul with clutching fingers, begging to stay where they were.  After a long time I finally got those words out, "I forgive myself, I own my part of this sin and I let it go...forgiven by the blood of the Lamb."

And the freedom that came was amazing, different than forgiving someone else this process of letting the sin go.  I can't be tied to it anymore once I forgive myself, it can't come back to haunt me anymore.  Neither can I hide behind guilt or shame when I have forgiven myself, sometimes that feels like a safe place, a good excuse to not do.

What do you need to forgive yourself for today?  Yelling at the kids? Lying? Cheating? Stealing?  Dropping the ball?  Letting information slip that was confidential?  An unkind word?  Whatever it is, how ever big it is, God is bigger and is more than willing to help you walk free.  Take a step today.


Carol said...

Good post. Thank you for writing it. It was a good reminder.

Lila1 said...

Forgiveness is so-o-o big!

After spending decades "excusing" people--including myself, I realized that when I "acknowledge my/their sin" and own up to the hurt, then and only then can I forgive. Otherwise I dodge the issue with excuses and rationalizations.

Lani - the flowerlady said...

we are very good at excuses aren't we!? when we recognize them for what they are we can get past them and to the real issues...blessings and thanks for stopping by!