Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A RAD revelation...

It would appear that there has been ugly stuff happening all over the place.  I could write you a long list of things that have been no fun that we've been dealing with this month...but I'm not going to do that.  I want to tell you today about a revelation that I had that I'm not impressed about.

Every day in our home we deal with something called Reactive Attachment Disorder.  The unfortunate victim of this disorder has usually suffered traumas that cause their heart and spirit to defend themselves against the very thing they long for most - relationship, attachment, belonging, security and love.  They do not trust, they do not feel safe, they have the sense that they have to take care of themselves because no one else will.  It's so hard to watch them suffer when you're holding out to them the thing they want and don't have the ability to receive.

You can read more about RAD here.
And I realized that the above paragraph was describing me.  My heart has been traumatized by dealing with RAD for the last twelve years, even though we didn't know what it was until two years ago.  We've been hit with all sizes of difficulties and problems that I am not going to list.  Suffice it to say that it has been tough slugging lately.

My revelation was that I have been doing the same thing that my son does. In Romans 1, Paul talks about Christians who exchanged the truth of God for a lie.  Here I am, doing the same thing.  Thinking that somehow I can fix all this, that I can do it on my own, that I am somehow capable and strong enough to get through these difficulties on my own.

And I ignore the very source of strength I really need.

I don't worship.

I don't cling to the Word.

I run away.

I hide.

I let depression's gray cloud cover over me.

I quit meeting with encouragement.

Source: The Neon Dove 
Psalm 119:32 says, "I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart free." If you were at Allume perhaps you picked up the Journible that was in the prayer room focused on Psalm 119.  I have to admit it was a bit of a struggle for me to get through it.  I couldn't understand how David (talk about someone who had a long list of negative things going on...) could go on for so long on loving God's commands/teachings/instructions.  Now I'm beginning to see.  The TRUTH will show you what the lies are.  If we know the truth so well the lie will have a hard time getting in there.

But here I am rejecting it, running away from it.
We are built for relationship.  God designed us to long for it.
We will attach to something because we have to.
So if I'm not running toward the truth then what have I been doing?
Exchanging the truth of God for a lie

Silly, silly girl.

Today I'm asking God to take down my defenses. To help me let go of my own paltry strength so He can come in and do some housecleaning.

I pray that today you will take hold of the truth.
He IS our strong tower. (Proverbs 18:10)
He surrounds us with His strength. (psalm 32:7)
He does have the whole world in His hands, including you and me and my long list of negative things...
Source: Seasoned Joy
Can I pray for you today?  God, you are my strength and the strength my dear friend reading this needs today.  Sometimes we're a little silly and push you away thinking you don't care, you don't want to be bothered and that we must carry this heavy burden ourselves.  That isn't true.  Jesus, help me live today like I believe the Truth.  The Truth of who you say You are, and who You say I am.  A child of a King.  Help me rest in the beauty of your love and see the problems I am facing through your eyes, today.  And help me and my friend to live in live like someone left the gate open!


Susan Stilwell said...

Beautiful prayer, Lani. I'm not familiar with RAD, but don't we all have a touch spiritual RAD? That part that knows we were made to be in the presence of God and longs for Him? A part that flounders and looks in all the wrong places? I love that you tied this into the Romans 1, exchanging truth for a lie. It's sad, but true.

Thanks for the "Like" and sharing your blog address!

Debi @ said...

Awesome post! I love it and I love you! Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. xoxoxo

Marcy P said...

I love this Lani, yet it cut to my core. I can relate so well, friend. I don't have a RAD child but do have children with some attachment issues. I just recently admitted this to myself. I think I have attachment issues with God. Why? I don't know, but I am admitting it and making deliberate steps to attach myself to him even when my biggest feeling is to run.

Lorretta at Dancing on the Dash said...

Oh Lani...I understand this RAD. I have spent a lot of my live sorta self destructing and now....I see. Praise God that He allows us to see. Bless you sister.

Sara said...

Lani, I too can relate. I think when God chooses us to do the hard stuff, we say okay, not really realizing He meant to do it with us. I will be praying peace for you and breakthrough for him.