Wednesday, April 17, 2013

He infiltrated my 'to-do' list...

I have much to say at the moment and yet my brain is not helping me make coherent thought.

Yesterday was Tuesday which means I was supposed to be writing about God-sized dreams.  Our assignment was to spend some time with God, listening for His voice in regards to our dreams.  I am not opposed to quiet times or listening to God our writing about it but I have to admit that the assignment felt like a heavy weight when I first read it.  It felt like a 'have-to'...and I am so weary right now.

This has been an arduous week. (you do NOT have to read all of this...)

Wednesday morning:  beloved Auntie goes to be with Jesus, the world is not so bright without her
Wednesday evening:  sister-in-law and I travel through ridiculously ugly roads to get to a conference
Thursday: sit in conference learning why my RAD son is the way he is
Thursday afternoon:  run to the mall to help my husband wrangle kids while one of them is at the eye specialist, decide to keep the two girls because yet another 'spring' storm is making it's way through the province and my wise husband doesn't think I'll make it back to use the symphony tickets we bought for the girls for their birthdays Saturday night
Friday: keep girls busy while still attending the conference
Saturday: pleasant day hanging out with old friends and attending the Disney symphony with my girls - a wonderful oasis in the storm but NOT at home with my grieving family
Sunday: my family makes an extra drive of about four hours to get me from the city so we can go to join the rest of the family for the viewing, funeral, etc.
Sunday afternoon and evening: viewing, crying, hugging and another night away from home
Monday: graveside service, funeral, more crying, hugging and travelling back home
Tuesday morning: lead Bible study I am totally unprepared for (thanks to my gracious friends, that was all good)
Tuesday afternoon : our dog goes missing
Wednesday morning:  our daughter has another episode of racing heart and shortness of breath...

By the time I got home on Monday night I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted.  However, on Tuesday afternoon I sat down to read for a little while because I have a book I need to review and I needed to rest. I figured I could cross both things off my to-do list at the same time, very efficient of me, yes?

In the midst of the pages of this story God so graciously spoke to me of dreaming and not settling for something less.  He spoke to me of understanding where I am so that I can know where I am going.  He spoke to me through a story that my dream IS important, that I shouldn't settle for anything less than what He has dreamed for me, even if it might take work and I might not see results for awhile, and it may be in the midst of difficulty, all these things make me more of me.  These storms will help to shape and define and bring greater clarity into the dreaming.

Dreaming is important enough to Him to include it in the pages of a novel that I need to review to remind me that He was thinking of me, even though I wasn't thinking about Him. He knows that I learn better through stories, that I can hardly wade through a 'teaching' book. Reading that novel was on my to-do list and He wasn't, but He got in there anyway and I am in awe of His care for me...

This post is written as part of a community of God-sized Dreamers.  We hang out with Holley Gerth and link up on Tuesdays for encouragement and engaging the community in dreaming big!

ps.  I'll post a review of the book later this week!  It's called, The Gate.


Anne said...

Hi Lani. I linked up right after you. I can so relate to the burnout you've been feeling. So sorry about your aunt's death. My father-in-law passed away March 1st after 9 days in hospital and hospice. It took its toll on me, too. God IS good, isn't He? You weren't looking for Him (in that book), but He found you! Awesome! Blessings to you! (REST!)

Katharine said...

Praying for you friend. So sorry about your Aunt!

Amanda Conquers said...

I think I am so there too. Watching life change, and trials rage and wanting to throw a pity party over the way my dreams seem like they are so for not-now. Waiting. So difficult but so full of purpose. I have to believe God's using it all for His glory, that His calling is without repentance, and that what He said he would do HE will be faithful to carry out. So much easier to say it than to live it!! Saying a prayer for you. That sounds like a rough week!! xo