Thursday, February 07, 2013

On the Hard Days...

I am not a fan of days like this, and there have been a lot of them in the last few years.  Days where motivation is hard to come by. Days where getting out of bed is such a struggle.  Days where being positive is almost impossible.  Days where making lunch is such a daunting task I could cry.
image source:

I know my husband is concerned for me.  His mom had a physical breakdown when she was about my age and he doesn't want that to happen to me.  He's a little scared and I can't blame him.

I have no idea yet what the answer to all this is. The medical community seems to think that my six kids are the answer to all my problems.  That doesn't quite fly with me since the youngest is almost seven.  My thyroid is fine, I'm not significantly overweight.  I'm healthy as a horse according to all the tests...but I know that things aren't as they should be.

There's a very good chance that my adrenal glands are a wee bit overloaded.  It could be that I'm going into pre-menopause (I am in my mid-40's).  I don't know.  Hormones, glands, body chemistry - it's a bit of a mystery. What I do know is that I don't like not feeling like myself, not having the energy to do the things I normally do.  I don't like that it is a Herculean effort to make it through the day.

These are the things I know.
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And then there are some other things I know and am thankful for and on days like this I need to remember them more than ever.

* I have an amazing, Godly husband who takes super good care of me
* I've got some kids who are very willing to do their share of house work and child care.
* I have a wonderful, caring community of online peeps who pray for and encourage me.
* I have both my mom and mil living right here and a sis-in-law that help me out when I am low.
* I am the daughter of a King who is kind and knows my needs.
* I have an excellent pastor who keeps tabs on me to make sure I'm not saying yes to too many activities outside my home.
* I've got some super sweet friends in RL who are fun to be with and make me laugh.
* I have some great resources that God has placed in my lap recently that are helping tremendously.

Despite all these cloudy thoughts and days the brightness of the Son is there and this, too, shall pass.  I didn't intend to be a downer today, but I am aware that there are more people than just me who suffer from days like this.  In the midst of overflowing sinks and dryers that quit, hurting children that hurt others and an aching body I cling to my Saviour. I take help as it comes and give myself grace for the hard days.

These are the resources I was talking about:
* I love Ann Voskamp's "Sanity Manifesto" - it has been walking me through the days lately.  There's a great printable that I have plastered on many of my walls to remind of what comes next.

* The Confident Mom's day planner.  It is a gift to have someone else tell you what to do when your brain just can't seem to get it together.

* My Journible that I got from the Allume prayer room.  I'm working on Psalm 119 and then I'm going to get this one next:
available at Amazon

* Have you tried Scripture Typer?  It's a great way to memorize scripture and get God's word into your heart.

And maybe this evening I'll treat myself to something that looks like this:

when it's all you can do to carry on...where do you run?


Debi @ said...

I feel your pain sister. I've been right where you are and now feel I am just barely on the other side, just barely. I so appreciate your transparency and willingness to share your struggles. In doing so you will help someone else.

Keep leaning into God! I know you will. Keep talking. I hope you will. Keep reaching out. I believe you will.

When all else fails, go look in the mirror and say to your reflection - You ROCK! xoxoxo!!

fragrantroses said...

I have to agree with everything you said. While I know the cause of most of my issues, I don't like FEELING them.

I find a cup of coffee with a side of praise music has helped more than anything. I hope you stay positives and find your answers soon.

Katharine said...

I love your encouraging heart even in the middle of your difficult days...Praying for you!

martha brady said...

another surprising help is exercise. something i need to return to both b/c of weight gain, depression and general health. exercise...where you get the blood moving and you move your body around for 30-60 minutes produces endorphins which ward off the depression.

i started the exercise when i was in my 40's in pre-menopause. as symptoms got worse, i felt better with the exercise...and decent eating. a routine also helps. other considerations would be hormone replacement (helped me a LOT! but isn't right for everyone) and possibly short term use of anti-depressants until you get into the changes you need.

one thing about this stage of life is that it developes one's perseverance...we have to keep on doing some things and engaging in life and relationships.

i will pray for you lani. i know how difficult this stage of life can be. learning to care for ourselves is a part of this time in life. quite a switch from the earlier years of parenting for sure!

you are a gift to many, even if you don't fell like it.

aurie good said...

{{hugs}} sweet friend. I love how you are trusting on our Lord to carry you through this. Praying you have answers soon.

Sonya said...

Don't you wish it were easier to exercise when you feel that way?! I've heard that dancing (even just shaking all your limbs for a bit) is one of the best antidotes, but how does one do it when everything is so hard. Have to put up a big sign or something, "When I feel like ___________, I will dance for one minute". Actually tried it last night at pre-supper low time and it made a big difference. Going to make a sign now...xoxoxo