a declaration of intent

Today's weather has reflected my mood. A bit of thunder, low lying clouds, bits of blue here and there, showers...

We have a son with some behavioural difficulties. He doesn't handle change very well and after the excitement of going back to the city to see grandma and grandpa and finding out that they're planning to move has been a bit much for him. Unfortunately the rest of us bear the brunt of his tirades until he can figure out how to deal with the grief and loss of yet another thing he's held dear.

It's not that he'll never see grandpa and grandma again, it's that their house was his first place of safety, they were his first parents, the first people who showed him any real love. He was a mess when he came into foster care in their home. They nursed him back to health, loved him to pieces and then when they moved in with us, he was transferred into our care. Social services put him in a permanent situation just before he turned two but that didn't go so well and we got him back 7 months later. He's been ours ever since, warts and all and we love him like our own. Unfortuately he came with a set of baggage most people don't understand.

At school he is a well-behaved wonderful kid that everyone adores. Even though he struggles with learning disabilities he is doing well, better than he did as a home-schooling kid, much to my chagrin. Because it's a small school (only 9 kids in his class) they can give him a lot of one on one help and attention and are willing to do things for him that I simply didn't have time to do. And he cooperates. However, the storm comes when he's at home. It's difficult to deal with, things get broken, people get hurt at times, it isn't fun. I wonder why I am not enough mother to him. Why doesn't he get it that he is truly loved and safe here?

In spite of all the difficulty we are going to adopt this boy. I'm declaring it for all the world to hear and all the spiritual realms. We're not giving up. After six years of brick walls we are convinced that now is the time to break down the walls and get this thing done.

I know this is not the usual tone of my blog but something in me today, after the storms we've been dealing with needs to declare that the enemy won't win. Our Christ-bearer will indeed bear Christ and he belongs to the Lord and to our family. So there!