rambling thoughts

It's been quite a day today.  This morning I decided I better go plant the last flowerbed.  I had a few bedding plants left over from the containers that I couldn't put out because it started raining on me.  So I worked up that bed, pulled out all the grass and planted them.  I'm all done, I thought!

So I moved on to weeding around my cucumbers and mulching them, hoed around the potatoes and pulled out weeds along the stone stairs. Found the first strawberries of the season!  What a lovely gift for today! Definitely time for lunch.  While I'm making lunch I hear the sound of the small tractor right outside the window.  The farmer/shepherd comes in and tells me that he has roto-tilled the other flowerbed (the one I was going to leave to the dogs) and that maybe I should fill it up with something.  One more trip to the flower shop was in the near future.

Got that one planted and had a few plants left over so I weeded out another flowerbed I wasn't going to bother with and planted them in there.  Still had some left so I threw a few flowers into the vegetable garden.  I think I am really and truly done the planting now...I hope!

If you haven't noticed by now, I have a LOT of dirt in my yard to fill up.  My MIL was an amazing gardener and filled up all these flower beds each and every year and tended them with loving care and the yard always looked superb.  I am not so good as she!  I've been slowly filling some of them up with perennials.  I'm learning that if I want to transform my yard into something beautiful I'm going to have to work at it.  Yes, I realize that this should not be a startling revelation, but to a citified inside type of girl it's a bit of a stunner.  So this year I'm going to attempt to do the work of tending my yard...outside....

The little boys helped me plant the flowerbed and wanted to put little signs up so that everyone would know that these were 'their' flowers.  Sasha got a little piece of cardboard and wrote "Sasha's Flowers" on it and pinned it to the ground with a straight pin!  How cute is that?  Lady-in-Waiting found a nest in the old barbeque with tiny red eggs in it, I have no idea what kind of bird they are from, but they are so perfect and like nothing I've ever seen before!

*the yellow dot is the pin

Then we hiked it into town for the Rookie baseball wind-up.  Had fun playing ball with the kids, came home and finished up the rest of the planting, put some kids to bed, at least the ones that weren't scared of the thunder and lightning show.  Then I got to pull out some crafty stuff and made up a sample of one of the crafts we're going to offer at the Ladies Time Out this summer.  We're using recycled materials to make pretty things!  I think it should be fun...

 "Cookie Sheet Magnetic Noteboard"

rambled gifts of grace for today...
(1027 - 1058)

little boy helpers

signposts pinned to the ground

baseball

banana bread

enormous lilies

tight red rose buds

flats of flowers

pink roses blooming

the promise of peonies

editing the big boy's paper on the Etruscan's

helping boy#3 learn grace

fresh sheets off the line

snowy white linens

pots of flowers

reclaiming a lost flowerbed

the first strawberries of the season, sun-warmed and sweet

running into a friend on main street

craftiness

the bigness of thunder

the sound of rain in the dark

tiny red eggs

gazing on something you've never beheld before

brother and sister comforting each other in their fear

campouts in the living room in the middle of the storm

quiet moments around the table, hands busy creating

little girl giggles in the sprinkler

piles of weeds no longer in the ground

freshly roto-tilled earth

flower containers overflowing with beauty

knowing 'your best friend in the whole world' thinks the same of you

bedtime prayers

transforming revelation

Sometimes Truth is a Bossy Big Sister

I love my big sister, I really do, but have you ever noticed that older sisters tend to be just a little on the bossy side.  I know I had to remind my older sister that she wasn't my mother on several occasions.  There was only one problem with her telling me what to do, usually it was because my mother had given her the instructions and she was the relay medium.  Then there is the smallish fact that she is older and wiser, supposedly.  If I knew what was good for me I would listen to her otherwise I caught it from mom when she got home from work.

Now I am raising my very own older sister, not my own sister, but one that exists as a girl that is older than her brothers...you get what I mean.  So the other day I had given instructions to my children that they were to go to their aunt's house after school UNLESS there was a change of plans at which point they would be given that change by the school office.  Life being what it is, plans changed, I called the school and they came home.  Later that week the same scenario needed to repeat itself.  I wasn't home and so my sister-in-law called our house and gave the change of plans to my oldest daughter, the boys were to go home on the bus, practice was cancelled due to rain and she was substitute teaching in the next town, she would not be home.  Big sister told the little brothers but then there was a glitch.

Older cousin stepped in.  Older cousin really wanted the boys to come over after school even though he knew his mom wasn't going to be home and practice was cancelled.  So he lied and convinced them to disregard the nagging older sister who insisted she had the truth and they gleefully followed his lead, because they wanted to.  When my sister-in-law got home there were my boys, she was not impressed.  The two of us unraveled the story post-mortem and found out what had happened.

This is, unfortunately, how we live our lives quite often.  Truth is standing there with it's hands on it's hips giving us 'that' look like an bossy older sister and along comes an attractive lie that suits far better with what our sniveling, selfish flesh would rather do.  We push off the Truth and link arms with that attractive liar and head off into our own demise.  How important it is to know the Truth, it will set us free, will lead us into right living and give us life.   If we know what's good for us we'll listen and heed the instruction, because when we stand before the throne we won't have anyone to point a finger at except ourselves.

My older sister had no intention of making my life miserable, I think.  In fact, she was pretty nice to be with most of the time.  It also wasn't her fault that she happened to be born first and had been given this responsibility.  The truth was that she was just doing what she had been told to do.  Truth is truth and there is no getting around that, it is simply being what it is - Truth and it can only be ignored to our own detriment.  Let Truth sing the song that's been given her to sing, she wants to guide you into more Truth, Life and Beauty.  Heed her instructions and you will live.

..giving thanks for the gifts of today... (1001 - 1026)

...an endless list of gratitude continues...

1001.  soup served up

1002.  loss taken in stride

1003.  quiet bedtime

1004.  voluntary hugs

1005.  cooperation on the chore front

1006. obedience

1007.  contrition on delayed obedience

1008.  no throwing today

1009.  no bullying today

1010.  homework done without a fight

1011.  encouragement given without badgering

1012.  medication taken without reminders

1013.  project completion

1014.  an invitation to play

1015.  all the vegetables in their cozy dirt beds

1016.  most of the bedding plants into the planters

1017.  anticipation for a few days of dancing with fabric,

1018.  and learning something new and

1019.  coming home with beauty

1020.  and I won't be cooking

1021.  a small smile in the midst of exhaustion

1022.  the opportunity to sleep in peace

1023.  next to one I love

1024.  honeybees

1025.  apple blossoms

1026.  quiet

Flowers and Gifts

Is it possible to simply break?
Once your heart has been shattered by a hundred tiny instances does one's body follow suit?
I sat and read about Eucharisteo today, grace in thanksgiving.  I finally bought Ann's book.  I have to admit I was scared to buy it...I'm tired of reading books that tell me I'm not doing things right.   I'm not much of a crowd-follower and the book is gaining quite a crowd.  But I feel like I've 'known' Ann for a long time, I've followed her blog, Holy Experience, for many years already.  I've watched her list of 1000 gifts grow, and I grew my own alongside hers.  Her book is the story of how she got there and the change it made in her.  I have to admit I was a little jealous.  She spins out words and they are poetry and go soul-deep...sitting in me.  Wrecking me.  Wishing, that my gift was a little more like hers. 
I, too, write words, not like hers.  They are my story.  My mess.  I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what she had to say.
She has a mess, too.  Like me;, farmer, Canadian, six kids, homeschool.  The same but different.  The struggles strain us, test us, push us.  The same but different.
Would her words help me in my mess or make the mess feel like so much more.
Today the mess took me by surprise.  I'm not sure why, it's been here for so long, but when there's been a little reprieve my flesh forgets the pain for awhile and when it comes back to hurl itself at me it hurts a little more than before.
I read to my little boys behind a locked door and we listen to the sound of missiles against the wall and pretend it isn't there.  The crashing of frustration and restlessness, trying to re-create the trauma that is more familiar to only him.  Our spirits don't know what to do with it because we don't understand it and can't.  The rest of us were loved and nurtured when it was most critical, we trust, we relate and he just isn't able and it wounds us to the very core.
Later we try to play a game together but he doesn't understand that there is winning and losing and you have to accept the losses with the gains and the frustration is back and we must stop.
So I sat in my mess and read Ann's words of learning to give thanks in the mess.  Reading the road to joy and peace begins with thanksgiving, like Jesus did on the night he was betrayed - he took the bread, the ordinary bread of everyday and gave thanks, Eucharisteo, and then he went and died for me.  There is healing in thanksgiving, I remember it from when 'fresh flowers' - the little pieces of heaven that came just for me - arrived on a regular basis...I looked for them but I haven't for a long time.  My eyes yearn to re-awaken to wonder but despair looms large and I'm not sure I have the will to push it away.  But I begin to feel the first sprouting of understanding.  Under the dirt the seeds I planted are beginning to unfurl, perhaps hope has a chance in me yet.  So I will begin again to count the gifts of grace in the mundane, everydayness of my life.  Bits and peaces of grace that when swept together will help me taste joy.  Perhaps if I look for flowers they will bloom again.
Last week Abby and I discovered a lovely store called The Paper Umbrella.  For one who loves writing and blank paper and beauty this store was a bit of soul-candy.  We lingered for a while, relishing the sights and smells of journals ready for thoughts, ideas and sketches.  I ran my fingers over lovely parchment and breathed in leather and sealing wax.  I limited myself to only a small notebook that spoke to me of an earlier, less complicated time.  It was somehow appropriate after just finishing Pride and Prejudice.  Perhaps I will begin a new list in it's pages, another 1000 gifts that Someone who loves will help me see

maybe I'll write flowers again...

Help, I'm a project Junkie!

Hello, my name is Lani and I'm a project junkie.  I'm beginning to think I need someone to save me from myself.  Seriously!  We are thrifty people, DIY-ers mostly because we've had to be.  We're pretty handy and mostly we've been able to accomplish our projects with satisfaction.  We've done renno's, upholstered, changed things, planned, dreamed and made it happen.  Unfortunately there's this little thing called life that keeps getting in the way of the fun projects that we want to do and makes us do boring projects that we HAVE to do, like bookkeeping and taxes.

I absolutely love a good project, give me a great topic to speak on and I will do hours of research to get it done.  Give me beautiful fabrics and I'll whip up something amazing and useful.  Give me a can of paint and I'll brighten up a room.  Yup, I love, love, love bringing out the beauty in things and putting it all around me, but right now I'm a little overwhelmed with all our dreams and plans.  They're good and we'll get there eventually, I'm just afraid I might be too tired or old to enjoy it!

Because of the lifestyle we want for ourselves and our kids (living off our land)we are preparing for livestock.  We were given an old chicken barn that we moved to our yard and are slowly but surely getting it ready to bring in our livestock - goats, cows, pigs and chickens.  This also involves fencing, trenching, rock-picking, etc.

Our house is in need of some tender loving care so I'm in the process of painting our basement and eventually the kitchen, hallways, doors and trim.  While doing the basement we decided it would be much less expensive to re-upholster the couches we have downstairs than to buy new ones (which we don't have the money for anyway).  I've got the fabric (at an excellent bargain I might add) and now it sits there staring at me, begging me to make my sad old couches look beautiful again (again - cause we've done this before).

Also on my sewing table is a quilt that was supposed to be done for my son's 12th birthday that still needs binding, he just asked me if it would ever get finished (his 13th birthday is in 3 months).  His little sister's quilt is still on the quilt rack waiting for me to finish tying and hand-quilting - it's been on there for almost a year, too!  I probably shouldn't mention that I have another 12th birthday quilt that needs to be done for next April that I haven't started yet.

Then I have this boy that's really hard to fit.  He needs PJ pants, so I picked up inexpensive fabric to make him some - way cheaper and better quality than store bought.  But I still have to actually do it.   Sitting next to that is a beautiful old doll that someone asked me to make clothes for, she still needs three more outfits.

MEANWHILE - the whole out of door business awaits - huge, gigantor gardens to be planted and tended, flower beds to fight with and we're not quite done seeding yet so my dear husband is mostly unavailable.

AND THEN - all the regular stuff has to keep happening.  You know, little things like laundry, cooking, baking, cleaning, ball practices and games, Sunday school, youth group and did I mention I have 6 kids?  We've got homeschool reports to finish up, piano recital and worship team practice to fit in.  Counselling trips to the city and helping out my parents as much as we can.

I absolutely will not mention that the kitchen, hallways, doors and trim on the main floor are quite in need of paint as is the bathroom - which I have the paint for...it just needs to be done.  And I won't tell you that when I cleaned my sewing area the other day I put together 4 beautiful little piles of fabric that are just begging to be made into quilts, or my 'new-to-me' serger that isn't out of the box yet that needs to get used on a bunch of mending that's waiting right next to the ironing.

Too many projects and not enough of me.  All the projects I don't like (like gardening and pretty much most things outside) keep pressing in on me and I have to shove off the projects I would love to do...like making all those quilts!

How to manage it all and not go crazy or just drop over from exhaustion, I haven't quite figured out...maybe someday, in the meantime  maybe I'll work on that book I started awhile ago...

Thankfulness in the Storm

I have to remind myself to post the good stuff, too.  If you go back through my archives you'll find my journey of 1000 gifts, little bits of grace given by the Father.  If you want to learn more about a life of thankfulness head over to Holy Experience and start your journey.  Today she has an amazing post on what it takes to be a mother, not perfection, just humility and the willingness to work at relationships.  How I needed to hear that today.

It's been a relatively calm week.  In fact with only one major blow up in the last 6 weeks or so, it's almost felt like hope can rise.  We're pretty sure some of our son's issues are seasonal but we don't have a firm diagnosis of that, we know winter is always bad.  The other behaviours continue but an explosion free zone has been nice.  I'm even painting the basement, filling in all the holes, covering the wreckage with the grace of paint and plaster.  Hoping, hoping that we won't have to fill in a hole for a very long time.  We used plywood to make the walls of the new bedroom in hopes that it will be harder to break.

Last week I took J and C to the city for an appointment.  It turned out to be an excellent day.  We managed to keep the jealousy monster in check, he managed to bend with changes of plans and expressed gratitude continually throughout the day.

Pieces of grace that are needed to continue to mend my fragile, broken heart...

- thankful that we were able to get where we needed to be at the right times despite all the driving around NOT finding where we wanted to go

- thankful for a son who wants to kill in an hour in the library instead of at an arcade

- thankful for my kids in general

- the gift of crocuses on the hillside, not just one or two, but hundreds!

- teaparties with big brothers and little sisters

- seeders in the field, sowing hope for abundance

-friends who come to visit

- hugs

- understanding

- godly young men

- my new kitchen table

- watching my daughter sew a quilt

- piles of fabric waiting to be sewn

- projects that work

- when a space becomes yours

Re-entry and Bonding

Yesterday was re-entry day.  C had been at a friend's house for a few days and we enjoyed some blessed 'normalness'.  The friends drove him home and picked up their kids had lunch and then headed off again.  He was happy and energetic until the moment they left and then crashed...hard.  Everything was horrible, nothing was fun, he was bored, his brothers are idiots, blah, blah, blah....So my stress level went up a notch or two, a few things went flying, not much fortunately because he is on a mission to have 365 days without a major explosion.  If he accomplishes this seemingly impossible task he will win himself an Ipad.  It might take till he graduates, but he's determined, at the moment.

Our counsellors from our parenting class (Parenting Out of Control Teens) helped us come up with a reward system.  We supply little rewards (badminton birdies, beef jerky, chocolate, gum, etc.)  and he supplies the necessary behaviour.  He evaluates himself and then is allowed to reward himself for not exploding when he thinks he's done a good job of the day.  So far we're only applying it to the huge, destructive explosions not all the picky nit-picking, etc.  But hey, a few less holes in the walls are a good thing!  Only one really big explosion since we started this - 6 weeks ago.  That, my friends is progress!

We had a good bonding time over a flooding cistern.  I walked by the furnace/cistern room and heard the sound of running water, I shouldn't hear that sound there!  C happened to be close by so I rushed in and started the bucket brigade to keep the rug from getting flooded.  A and J came down and helped, too and the four of us averted the impending disaster.  Then we watched the extended version of Fellowship of the Ring.  C fell asleep leaning on one side and A on the other, love moments like that!

Had some good moments today getting ready for A's birthday party.  The whole eating healthy and exercising thing has gone totally out the window this week along with all vestiges of routine.  What can I say, I'm gonna say no to chocolate fondue?  Hardly.  Solid chocolate bunnies?  We are doing emotional eating and I figure if I'm fully aware of what I'm doing it's okay...I think!  So chocolate spa party here we come.  Fortunately the baseball coach called a practice/wiener roast for this evening, so, yay, C, S7 and S8 are all out of the house for most of the evening.  The girls should like that.  Thank you Mr. Jones!

A New Focus

It's Monday morning and most of the kiddos are at home on their Easter break.  We have a few extra friends around as well. So it's a little crazy with all the bodies but not stressful 'cause my most stressful kid isn't here at the moment, he's at a friends' house and we're enjoying the peace that brings.

Shocking?  Well, if you lived with us every day you wouldn't be shocked.  Life in our house isn't very typical by any standard.  about 12 and a half years ago we met this sweet little fellow that my mom and dad were fostering.  A few months later they all moved in with us and his care transferred to us.  Then a several months after that he got moved out into a 'permanent' home.  Seven months after that his permanent home called us and said it wasn't working so we hopped in our van and went and picked him up.  He's been with us ever since and our lives have never been the same.

I had this ideal dream of perfect children, a perfect home, a perfect life where everything made sense and went according to my plan.  Surprisingly enough, since I'm not God, He decided we needed to shake things up a bit, my perfect picture is in a thousand pieces all over my floor!!

So here we are with six kids, a farm, 4 dogs and anticipating 9 more animals.  I'm pretty sure we're nuts.  That sweet little fellow came back as a mad little bantam rooster, and has been mad ever since!  He's been tested and poked and prodded and slapped with labels of every kind.  We've only figured out in the last few months that what we're most likely dealing with is attachment disorder.  While we don't have an official diagnosis all our research and unofficial diagnosis' confirm what we've been scratching our heads over all this time.  While it doesn't make life easier, at least we know what we're dealing with...finally!

Unfortunately it makes other people rather uncomfortable.  Most of my weeks are really stressful and I'm just trying to keep my nose above water while we patch up holes and clean up all the stuff that's been thrown around the house (we figure he's so good at baseball because of all the practice he gets hurling my stuff all over! :))  We deal with emotional aftermath of toxic volcanic verbage every day.  And, unless you live with it you can't possibly understand it...sorry, you just can't.

In an effort to help others understand what we deal with and hopefully further my own healing (I don't talk about this much), I'm going to start talking here about our life, the ups, downs and ins and outs of living with a bunch of kids, a farm, a pastor, one crazy mom and a God who loves  us all and dealing with attachment disorder, etc.  Sorry, it may be a bumpy ride.

Today's Smiles

Things that made me smile and give thanks today....
- a teaparty with my little girl (she set it all up)
- the 14 year old brother who joined our tea party and played along
- classical music playing all morning
- the 14 year old boy who fond a channel and kept it going
- listening to my 5 year old girl practicing Air from Haydn's surprise symphony
- sewing with the 14 year old, helping him make 'priestly garments' for his school project
- teaching the 5 year old to sew
- a yummy spinach/tuna salad for lunch
- clean laundry
- sunshine
(it's only 1 PM, there may be more smiles later)

Family Day

Today our whole family was home together without any extras, we didn't have any meetings or appointments, just us....all together...in one place...for a whole day.  You don't realize how rarely that happens until it is suddenly upon you and it feels strange.  Yesterday we had huge expectations for today, we were going to get a ridiculous amount of work done around the yard and in the house.  We realized that was probably stupid and lowered those expectations considerably.
And the whole thing went not too bad considering we have eight very different personalities, one very explosive child who hates to work and the age range that we're working with. 
Inside:
-the kitchen floor finally is free of wax drippings and honey spots
-kitchen counters are free of honey-processing stuff
-basement is ready for wall-sanding (if we can find the sander)
-you can see the laundry room floor
-winter boots are boxed up for the year (found 3 pairs of boots I've never seen before!)
-made pizza for lunch and cleaned up the mess

Outside:
-a lot of dog poop got picked up
-the truck is loaded and ready for the dump whenever it re-opens (too wet at the moment)
-lots of garbage and debris picked up from the melting snow
-cement pad is scraped off
-recycling got taken in
garage is clean and swept

To celebrate our success we had ice-cream sundaes and then headed off to see a wild menagerie of miniature and exotic animals, some of which we are interested in purchasing for our farm.  The kids totally enjoyed all the interesting and odd animals we saw including pot-bellied pigs, fainting goats, an emu, a peacock, double horned ram, alpacas, bunnies, little ponies, donkey, miniature cows and of course lots of bunnies and cats.  We headed to A&W to celebrate our day and the fact that it is our fourth anniversary of our move to the farm.  What a lovely day, even with the rough bits, it still worked out pretty good!

In Defence of Rebecca Black (not the song, just her)

I have felt the conviction of the Lord on this one.  When I saw the video for the song, "Friday" sung by Rebecca Black I agreed with all the nay-sayers, the song is not great lyrically and the video isn't very impressive.  However, I must say I have to repent.
This little girl went about making her 13-year old dream come true - to record a song and put it on YouTube.  Her parents encouraged her, because, as parents do, they think she's amazing!  Did any of them think for one minute that millions of people would watch that video and that the majority of them would declare it a disaster.  I don't think so.  They were just doing their thing, fulfilling a dream.  And, we, as a society, shot it down in an epic way.
Am I brave enough to record the songs I've written and put them on YouTube?  Nope, so Rebecca is braver than I am.  I'm not too excited about my dreams being shot down, particularly not on such a grand scale.  I'm sure that little girl cried her eyes out all weekend.  Who am I to criticize her dream and discourage her from doing what she loves to do.  I will no longer sow judgement and rejection to Rebecca.
Here's to you Rebecca, I apologize for deriding your song and raining on your dream.  Please forgive me.  I pray that you will use this opportunity for good and that you will learn that there is more to life than partyin'.

hope for the now

I am at home alone this wintery Sunday morning.  I have been sick all week and didn't feel the need to spread my germs any further.  I have a dear friend that said, "Introspection is highly overrated!" but today I am looking inward...pondering.

Pondering how to go forward in this life we're living, where to take the next step, searching for the next word to say.  I took a course last week that filled me with hope for the future.  A future with healing and forgiveness and restoration.  But in the meantime I am living in broken things trying to survive and keep damage to a minimum.

I have conflicting responsibilities.  To one child I have the responsibility to bring healing opportunities, to look past the prickly exterior and to love unconditionally.  To other children I need to create a safe atmosphere where they are not in fear of what will happen next.  These two are difficult to reconcile.
 
We had ten days of no exploding which ended yesterday and took a piece of my hope with it.  I can hope for the future but living in the now is really, really hard.

Addendum:
As I spent time with the Lord this morning, His gentle Spirit taught me something that I need to teach my children.  It's a simple truth and one that I have known, but it came fresh today.  I was empathizing with mothers who long for a safe place for their children, whatever the circumstances may be.  As I was in the place of sorrowing over the safety of not only my children but so many others who are by no means safe a song came through the air.  It spoke of a hurting, broken person who was safe as they sat near His feet.  The safest place for me and my kids is in the arms of Jesus.  I must teach them that no matter what is going on around them, there is a place of safety.  Their body may become bruised and hurt but their spirit can be completely safe and protected.  What a beautiful promise from God this morning.

Hello, my name is Lani and I'm a Control Freak

Snow is falling outside my window today.  It's the pretty, soft, floaty kind of snow that gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling.  Particularly when you are inside your warm house in a fuzzy bathrobe! 
Last week was not a warm, fuzzy week.  I took a class in addiction relapse prevention therapy.  I learned some very interesting things.  One thing that I learned is that all of us are addicted to something.  The definition of addiction that we were using was any coping mechanism we use over and over again even when we know that it is unhealthy and/or destructive.  That definition broadens the typical definition of addiction far wider than just drugs and alcohol.  I spent the week struggling to figure out what my addiction really looks like, I wasn't trying to avoid it, it was just very elusive.
My particular slippery fish is control.  Apparently I have a strong desire to be in control of, well, everything, because something terrible will happen if I don't, who knew!  Everyone else around me it seems.  My dear, sweet husband actually laughed and said, "I could have told you that." as did my mother, one my dearest friends and my former pastor.  Really, people!
So here I am, trying to learn how my control freakish-ness not only has affected me but all of my relationships as well.  I am seeing with new eyes where it had it's origins and how it has been steering my course ever since.  That twisted little robber worms it's way into every aspect of my life and I hate it.  I can see it now that I've called it out and I believe there may be a smoking gun in my future.  But I have a long way to go.
In the meantime, I'm going to let the peace of Christ rule in my heart and mind and just like that lovely bit of white fluffy stuff is covering up piles of dog poop and dirty old snow, God's transforming power is going to come and renew my mind, not just covering it up, but actually making it new.  I don't like the dog poop or dirty old snow in my heart, it needs to get cleaned up and that dear friends is what's happening here.

Friday Should be Fun

Alright blog friends,
Today is Friday, the beginning of the winter break and time to relax!  Actually I won't be relaxing all that much I'm taking a class during the break that promises 6-8 hours of class-time/day and 2 - 3 hours of homework every night (basically one semester of course squished into 1 week).  That should test to see if my brain still works at all!
Anyway, just wondering what you do to relax during holidays with your kids all home?  Have a great break...

Today I got to dance with a princess....

1000 gifts...continued

I have already completed a list of 1000 gifts but on this wonderful day I think it is time to continue the journey...

gifts for a Valentine's day, compiled with the help of my girls...

19 years of wedded bliss....really, I'm not kidding

6 wonderful kids

a warm home

clothing to wear

food to eat

plans and dreams

difficulties to make us stronger

cheesecake

presents

sunshine

family

rain

deep snow drifts

my little hippie girl (she's just a hippie for today)

my little sweetie who is thankful for Jesus

The Truth Project

friends

laughter

smiles

giggles

straws

pipe cleaners

new fabric!!!!!!!!!!

finding the perfect pattern

putting those last two together to make something glorious

fresh bread in the oven

summer borscht on the table (yum)

classical music

the hope of spring

butterflies

flowers

The Mother Earth Garden Planner

tea

engagements

weddings

babies

cousins

being married to my best friend for 19 years

girlfriends

not caring for one day about what a mess my house is or how much weight I need to lose

being caught up with the laundry (for 1 day)

answer keys to math questions we can't figure out

it is a gift to no longer be required to do math! :)

quilts

good books

ponytail holders

hugs

new shoes

a 7 year old hurtling through the dark to land on me and tell me he loves me

sleep

waking up without pain (didn't happen today, but when it does, it is a gift)

green smoothies

Mr. Chubbs

Ginger

Storm

Cassie (even though it's time for her to make her way to doggie heaven)

love

peace

joy

patience

pictures

to have a thankful heart is a gift in itself

music

milk

comfy chairs

15 minutes

accountability partners

money

selling lentils

cookies

pink dresses

dolls

purple dresses

green dresses

Polly Pockets

flannel boards

pianos

hair

lips

tongue

nose

eyeballs

ears

teeth that grow in your mouth every day

cheeks

fingernails and nail polish

headbands

paintings

movies that make you cry

movies that make you laugh

owies that get better

bread

buns

bracelets

earrings

necklaces

glasses

Ipad

Ipod

Seasons

A week or two ago we were at a friend's house for supper.  They have a lovely home and warm hospitality.  As we sat down to eat I noticed a series of pictures on the wall.  Each one had a tree in a different season.  My husband asked them which one represented where they were in their journey at the moment.  They decided that they were in the springtime season at the moment, not yet fully blooming but showing loads of promise, past the dark winter that they had recently experienced.
Our host made a comment that resonated in my spirit.  He said, "The season will change whether you want it to or not."  For me that is good news today.  We are living in a very dreary winter, problems are piled high and it is very cold, lonely and bleak in my spirit, yet the promise of spring remains.  This season will pass and we will enter a time of newness and budding and promise.  For now, we wait, still alive in there somewhere even though it may not look like it on the outside.
Every season has a beginning and an end.  It is glorious to feel the summer sun on your face and smell the fragrance of  flowers in bloom.  We sigh contentedly as we watch the summer flowers droop and fade, full of watermelon and lemonade.  Autumn brings a crispness to the air and it is immensely satisfying to see the harvest come in. There is beauty even in the longest of winters, branches dripping with hoarfrost, diamonds sparkling in whiteness. Then the warmth comes back and the snow gives way to mud and a glimmer of green.  I look forward to the excitement of spring again, it will come, it may be a long way off yet, but thank God, it will come.

Laundry Soap

A few people have been asking for this recipe, since it's probably easier to copy it from here than me sending out a dozen e-mails I'll post it here.  This isn't my recipe I got it off a newsletter that I receive on a regular basis.  I've been using it for a number of years with good success.  I have quite a few peeps with sensitive skin and none of us have trouble with this detergent.  I suppose if you were allergic to Ivory you could substitute a different type of pure soap.

Laundry Soap
** you'll need to save up a few empty bottles first or store it in ice cream pails!!

1 bar of Ivory soap
1/2 c Arm & Hammer Washing Soda
1/2 c Borax

1. Grate the soap
2. In a large pot (I use my canner) heat 6 cups of water and the soap over medium heat until dissolved.
3. Stir in Borax and A&H until dissolved.
4. Add 4 cups of HOT water, stir.
5. You can add essential oil or some commercial detergent to the mix if you want (sometimes I add a laundry booster)
6. Add 1 gallon + 6 cups of COLD water. stir
7. Let set without stirring for 24 hours. It will have the consistency of liquid gel. Stir (I use a whisk).

Pour into jugs with tight lids. Use 1/4 c for HE machines.

Pretty easy.

trust - round ??

I've posted before that our life with our #2 son is more than a little difficult.  We have had to make difficult decisions to ensure our family's health and safety.  We find ourselves at that point again.  How do you help someone who is desperate for help but is at a place of hopelessness?  We are exploring possibilities that no parent should ever have to.  Yet when I talk to another mom who has been making these kind of decisions longer than I have, she gave me a gentle rebuke...this life isn't guaranteed to be easy.  When Jesus said take up this cross there was a guarantee of pain. 
I'm not sure that I was prepared for this kind of pain, in fact I know I wasn't.  I've watched friends walk through horrendous things with their kids.  I watched them fold into themselves to conserve energy for the battle they were facing.  Now I find myself doing the same thing, there just isn't enough of me to give out much.  In order to survive emotions get a little numb, the brain only takes in so much, the body only puts out so much.
Would I change it?  I don't think so.  There is something to be learned from this journey that I can't learn any other way.  I pray that my trust will be strengthened.  That seems to be the theme word for this year for me.  The Lord has given me many different words over the years and perhaps there has been a trust year before, I can't remember.  Whether there was or not - I need to learn it afresh.  Trust that God can heal my son, my family, myself.  Trust that the wounds that are inflicted are going to bring about beauty of character and wisdom of soul.  Trust that we will somehow survive the ordeal and perhaps even thrive in it.

Father, I believe, help my unbelief...

revelation

Have you ever reveled in your child?
just stopped and stared
marveled at the wonder of this creation
that you are somehow just a little responsible
for

awed by the beauty
shocked that you had a part in it at all?

Hiding the Word in My Heart

I've been wanting to do this for awhile now.  In 2009 at the Pastor's Retreat we focused on memorizing the word.  The speaker was a fellow who had memorized several books of the Bible and encouraged his students and others to do the same.

In our church we are slowly memorizing 1John together...but I wanted to do something myself.  This post at Holy Experience encouraged me to start to do this thing for myself...something more than the nothing that I've been doing.  Something between me and Jesus.  I'm going to invite my children and husband to come with me on the journey.  I hope they do, and if they don't, I'm going anyway.

I'll be attempting to memorize the book of Colossians in 2011.  Just 2 verses a week.  That sounds achievable don't you think?  In her post, Ann has provided a download for all the weeks.  Today I spent putting my own little book together.  It was beauty in the making...pretty paper, ribbon and the Word...the Word becoming part of me, I look forward to see how it may change me, for surely it will.

I know it wasn't a Wednesday post, but oh well, I wanted to see if the button worked!

1000 gifts has been reached.

I was going to complete my 1000 gifts before 2010 ended, but alas, when I was near a computer, I kept forgetting to blog!  So now, it is time to finish that journey and begin a new thankful list...

I got this little gift in a newsletter I just received.  These 10 predictions are definitely gifts (976-986)

ENCOURAGING PREDICTIONS FOR 2011
Author unknown
With all the problems the world is facing, it can be unsettling to the mind. It's wonderful to know Who really is in control and that "the Word of God endures forever." ~ I Peter 1:25

Top 10  Predictions for 2011
1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still be the most powerful thing on Earth..
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still honor the prayers of His people.
5. There  will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him

Okay, only a few more to go before we're at 1000!

987.  Playing games - we've spent the last three days playing games with our friends and family,  I love games!

988.  We had 7 days in a row without an explosion from our explosive son.  That's probably worth 7 gifts, but I'll just count it as one.

989.  Our vehicle did not break down during all the driving we did in the last week.

990.  I am very thankful that they changed the days of our Christmas vacation and therefore the kids aren't going back to school until Wednesday.  They can catch up on sleep the next few days.

991.  I am thankful for encouraging friends.

992.  Friends you can laugh with are a gift.

993.  Parents who invite you over for lunch on the spur of the moment are a gift.

994.  Watching my children play piano is a gift.

995.  Well-made, Canadian products that I can give to my children are a gift.

996.  My son asking for prayer for his 95 year old great-grandma this morning was a gift I will treasure.

997.  The thoughtfulness of our friend's son toward his mother was a delight to us and to the Lord (definitely to his mother).

998.  Following the Lord's leading and that obedience becoming a blessing to someone else is a gift.

999.  The thoughtfulness of our congregation in the cards and gifts we received - gifts!

1000.  The salvation given to me by my Saviour...a gift without number

and now, the gifting can continue as this list is not limited to 1000....

Blessings in the New Year to one and all.

(it took 2 years to get 1000 things on this list) 

 

He is Here, He is Here, He is Here!!!

a fresh flowers original

copyright lani wiens, 2010

My kids have been watching, "Horton Hears a Who" this week, we've read the book, it's kinda in my head right now. This morning as I read my devotions the line from the movie, "We are here! We are here! We are here!" popped through my head as I read this passage from the Message...

Psalm 34:14-19

Turn your back on sin; do something good.

Embrace peace - don't let it get away!

God keeps and eye on his friends,

his ears pick up every moan and groan.

God won't put up with rebels;

he'll cull them from the pack.

Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,

ready to rescue you.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;

if you're kicked in the gut he'll help you catch your breath.

Disciples so often get into trouble;

still, God is there every time.

The Who's were in big trouble, on the brink of annihilation, only one guy on their side and no one could hear them even though they were shouting for all they were worth.

Many days I am shouting for all I'm worth and feel like no one can hear. My heart is broken, I'm kicked in the gut and lying, crying in the dirt. My feeble cry is faint to my own ears let alone anyone else. Yet God tells me that He is HERE! Right beside me, helping catch my breath, reminding me that He is bigger than all this mess that I live in.

Justice will prevail and it is not mine to mete out. That's one job off my list! This disciple gets into trouble way too often. I react out of fear, get angry, yell, say things I shouldn't, am impatient, think horrible thoughts. Justice will come to me, too. So today, I will turn my back on sin and do something good. Today I will embrace peace and not let it get away.

HE IS HERE! HE IS HERE! HE IS HERE!

Here in a stable.

Here in my home.

Here in my attitude.

Here in my family.

Here in my heart.

Praise God, HE IS HERE!

(975) Some thankful thoughts

968. Thankful for things I can create.

969. 'Sweet' gifts to give to family, teachers and such...

970. For this man.

971. Little moments like these.


972. For little boys listening to their daddy sing on their CD player.
973. Little boys who like to play piano.
974. Online calendar programs that might actually make life easier.
975. Thankful that the train finally came in.
976. For things crossed off the to do list.
977. Ginger/lemon-grass tea.
978. Creamy Earl Grey tea.
979. Market Spice tea.
980. Pretty tea cups to drink my tea from.
981. Clean laundry that smells nice.
982. My snowman collection.

967 - the war in my walls

I have to admit that it doesn't look alot like Christmas in my house this year. I haven't baked a single cookie. I haven't sent a single card. I did not write a Christmas letter. We did get the tree up with minimal decorations and that is all.

I've read a few Christmas-y posts and listened to Christmas music and attended some Christmas events. It's not that I don't love Christmas, I do. I love celebrating Jesus and finding and making gifts that I know the people I love will appreciate.

I haven't posted much of anything because the kind of stuff that we're dealing with at our house isn't the kind of stuff that most people want to hear about. You don't really want to hear about the new holes in the wall or how many of those new Christmas ornaments broke today. We are not sure how our child's brain works and why he chooses to do the things he does. However, I can see why it might be difficult to get into the Christmas spirit when you're dodging bombs, avoiding explosions and cleaning up shrapnel, binding wounds both physical and emotional. It's about all you can do just to survive the day, never mind the season. So, I guess I'm learning something from this experience after all.

There are things that I'm thankful for even in the midst of the war within my walls:

946. The cookies that my mom made with my kids so it LOOKS like I did Christmas baking (smile).
947. The simple Christmas program that my sister-in-law put together that was lovely.
948. I got to dance Mary's praise to God as part of the program - a blessing to be entrusted with that little piece. (Steve Bell's 'Magnificat')
949. Love shown to me by my daughter as she cleans up a mess that her brother made...because she wanted to.
950. My boys cleaning up the basement! (including their friend that stayed over)
951. The holiday that my husband and I went on, just the two of us, to refresh and recharge.
952. My parents staying with the kids so we could go.
953. My sister making the condo available to us at a price we could afford.
954. My husband for taking the time to do this for us.
955. All the little moments within that 9 days that reminded me why I love this man and can't wait to keep living with him for a long, long time!
956. The ability to play duets with my kids.
957. The ability to make gifts for people I love.
958. Christmas programs
959. Christmas music.
960. New Christmas decorations.
961. Vacuum cleaners that work.
962. Christmas vacation
963. The anticipation of gathering with people we love.
964. answers to prayer
965. Jesus
966. The Truth Project
967. Focus on the Family and other organizations that support families to live well.

The Reason I Celebrate

a fresh flowers original
by lani wiens, copyright 2010

We have just begun going through a series called, "The Truth Project" promoted by Focus on the Family. The course is designed to wake up sleeping believers and challenge the worldview that is currently held by many. We are exploring what truth is and how it applies to every facet of life. These thoughts are challenging my foundations, the underlying question being, "Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?" If we do, how then shall we live?

In my devotions this morning I was pondering the concept of why Jesus came to earth. In his conversation with Pilate Jesus tells him, "For this reason I was born and came into the world, to testify to the truth." As I was thinking about this I realized that our God has done for us something that no other god in history has ever done. The intangible became tangible.

Our God wrapped himself in human flesh and came to dwell among us. He went from being somewhere out there, to right here and in person. What other god has done that? We had the opportunity to see, feel, hear and touch him. He taught us right here, in person. He showed himself to us in a way that is truly mind boggling if you stop to consider it.

There is no way, in light of what Jesus did, that you can deny God's existence. He was here, he bought the t-shirt and gave one to each of us. History testifies that Jesus was here. He proved that he was who he said he was - God. He proved over and over again that he had power in him that no else had ever had nor ever will. He contained the power of life and death, the ability to heal and to forgive sin. Tell me what other god in history has done any of those things?

The God we serve exists, he came and dwelt among us for a time to be a witness to that truth. In this season where we celebrate his coming to earth stop and ponder what Jesus did in coming here. Wonder anew that God became flesh and dwelt among us for it is a wondrous thing.

Blessings, have a very Merry Christmas, celebrating the truth of the season!

Lovely Links (945)

On my list of one thousand gifts I can't forget to list some of my favorite places to stop and breathe:

938. Randi at 'I have to say' is always a fun place to go and check out. She has a giveaway on this week so you might want to check it out.

939. Not only that she has a fabulous shop on Etsy called Fresh Squeezed Fabrics that I frequent! (that's where I got the pattern and fabric for Lizzy's jacket)!

940. To be inspired to really live read Holy Experience. Treasures from God's heart through Ann Voskamp.

941. Following our dear friends as they build their straw-bale home/business in the eco-village - Riverstone Studios.

942. And the fairer half of the Riverstone set has her own blog with this and that...

943. My bible school friend who makes me laugh! Thanks Marcia, you truly are a gift.

944. Our youth group website - a little fresh and fragile but just starting to grow.

945. A wonderful story of God's grace as he brings this lovely family together. What a privilege to watch it happen up close and personal...And I love the music my chickie friend has on here!

There are a few other places I like to go but these are my most frequent stops. Hope you enjoy them, too.

Losing my mind (937)

My husband is telling me I have post traumatic harvest syndrome (PSHS). I'm trying to understand why I can't get through the day without taking a nap. My brain doesn't seem to be working properly and I can't complete a project to save my life.

The day before yesterday I got out the winter coats, ski pants, boots and all in anticipation of the colder weather coming. I made sure all my little toes were warm enough and I sorted out all the too small stuff. Unfortunately, the mess is all still sitting there in piles, sorted but not put away, because I came upstairs and simply forgot that I had created a huge mess until I went downstairs again yesterday and there it was.

I've forgotten meat on the counter, books, projects, laundry in the washing machine. I feel like I am slowly losing my mind. I never used to be like this and I don't really have the energy to care. I am thankful for a strong will-power even if I'm not very disciplined. Perhaps I just need to find a few things to be thankful for;

925. small boys who 'fix' the cushion on my chair with tape so that it is all better - done out of love for their mom
926. a boy ready to tell the story of his healing to his peers
927. the wonderful lady who asked him, too
928. the young woman who loves my sons and takes them out for lunch
929. a sister-in-law who gives me her microwave because she doesn't need it when I told her about our microwave's untimely death
930. the play 'The Keeper' done by our old church family - such a nice way to spend an afternoon
931. the hope of a getaway with my husband - just the two of us
932. freshly washed sheets
933. cozy indoors when outdoors is yucky
934. the word of the Lord - retold by so many so it makes sense to me
935. the smell of fresh bread sitting on my counter (almost forgot to bake it today!)
936. home schooling - I really love it, even on the bad days
937. the trickle charger that we slap on every time the kids leave the lights on in the van and kill the battery

That's all for the moment, I have to go pick up the boys from piano lessons = I probably shouldn't forget them!

Harvest Ramblings and Accounting

Most days I have a plan in my head of what's going to happen before I roll out of bed. Sometimes I actually do the plan and sometimes life just gets in the way. I am thankful for my accountability sista (925) who calls every day and helps me decide if that list is too long for that day. I do the same for her. Today neither of us planned to accomplish anything much but we both did!! (926)

Harvest time is so busy with very little downtime. I've been doing fruit and vegetable harvesting for three months straight, with a little break to move my parents. I am looking forward to being all done! Just the carrots left and my gardens are finally finished. We have to finish harvesting honey and of course the crops in the field are not quite finished, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel...finally! (927)

I'd like to try and keep track of what I've harvested this year and I'm not likely to lose the world wide web so this looks like as good a place as any to record this year's bounty.

We started off with fruit:

100 lbs of cherries
- 6 quarts cherry pie filling
- 16 pints of cherry jam
- 49 quarts of preserves (there were more than that but we've eaten some :))
60 lbs of apricots
- 25 pints of jam
- 21 quarts of preserves
40 lbs of peaches
- I have 12 quarts left - we've eaten some of these, too
40 lbs of plums
- okay, some of those cherry quarts must be plums, but I couldn't see in the storage room very well
a LOT of apples
- 44 quarts of applesauce (not accurate, we've eaten alot already)
- 26 pints of applesauce
- 13 quarts of juice
Tomatoes
- 11 quarts of salsa
- 52 pints of salsa
- processed and froze about a dozen 4 cup bags of tomatoe sauce
Corn
- 44 4 cup bags in the freezer
Potatoes
- 18 large bags of potatoes (not the large in the store - we're talking feed bags)

I'm not done with the carrots yet but I've already processed 31 4cup bags.
I also have some fruit that I froze of the plums and apricots for cobblers and platz.

Then there's the honey, at the moment we have on hand:
- 7 ice cream pails full
- 3 - 3kg pails
- 7 - 3 gal pails
- 2 yogurt containers full
and tons of supers to process that we brought in this morning. We have also used and given away far more honey than that. I bake all my bread with honey and also used about 3 ice cream pails full to process my applesauce - best applesauce we've ever had!

So, that's my harvest ramble for the moment. I am thankful, IMMENSELY thankful for our bountiful harvest I know that many people were not able to harvest much of anything. I give all my gratitude to my maker, He knows how hard it is to continually fill 6 kids' bellies!

Harvest Blessings to one and all!

Rough Stones (924)

a fresh flower original
by Lani Wiens, copyright 2010

Here by the water, I'll build an altar to praise you,
Out of the stones that I found here
I'll lay them down here rough as they are
Knowing that you can make them holy

from "Here By the Water" by Steve Bell off the album Romantics and Mystics

The other day my husband and I were listening to this song because it just happens to be our fave Steve Bell tune. It originally aired on the album Romantics and Mystics but has been redone for the Symphony Series which is even more incredible than the original is, you can go listen over here. If you ever get a chance to attend the Symphony concerts - GO!! You will be uplifted and mesmerized by the magnificent musicianship of the orchestra and Steve's band.

In the midst of listening to the song Kelly had a new take on the lyrics saying to me, "Think of those words in terms of our kids." It got me thinking. Our children are rough and sometimes harsh in their edges. They haven't been formed to fit into anything when they arrive in our arms, they are rough stones. We are given the task of softening the edges, polishing them up and getting them useful for whatever the Master has in store for them.

In order for that polishing and softening to occur we have to fully submit them to the Master, offer them back, rough as they are, knowing He can make them holy, set apart, useful to Him. Some days that seems like the most difficult part, particularly when you feel like those stones are coming at your head and you feel bruised and beaten by those stones you so carefully laid down. But where are we located?

We are here by the water, perhaps it was rough, maybe a quiet stream of refreshing, whatever body of water we've just passed through the Master was in the boat with us, guiding us by His strong hand, keeping our stones in the boat, refreshing us.

While our lives with our children are often fraught with trouble and questions we must remember that He is the one making them holy. He is at work in even the most rebellious and stubborn child.

Some thankfulness to end off this little piece:

894. Older brothers loving little sisters.
895. Prayers for peace and joy from a little boy with lots of energy.
896. Neighbors who bring home wandering little girls who go off to visit their grandmas,
897. People you can call to pray when you can't go any further and need some encouragement
898. Quiet songs.
899. Dads who come to dig carrots and potatoes.
900. Blogs that encourage with words.
901. Blogs that bless me with beauty.
902. Beautiful, sunshiny harvest weather.
903. A son working alongside his father and grandfather to bring in the harvest, the 5th generation to farm that land.
904. Extended family.
905. The hands and hearts that prepare for family to come together.
906. Plentiful potatoes
907. Copious corn
908. carrots, carrots and more carrots
909. Strangers who help bring a runaway home
910. Soft landings for hard moments
911. Music that speaks to a wounded soul
912. Youth that step up and minister to the ministers
913. Tea
914. My sewing machine, it's quiet hum soothes my spirit
915. Call display and answering machines
916. Honey from our bees
917. Tons of tomatoes
918. Strangers on the road who help
919. Little girls who dance whenever music comes on
920. Clean lentils
921. my new stove, it makes life so much easier
922. All the rows of canning in my cold room
923. Having my mommy close by
924. Brothers and sisters realizing that they love one another

fresh flowers for today

Epic Fail or Gift of Grace?

a fresh flower original

by Lani Wiens, copyright September 2010

When things go wrong we tend to just see the wrong and not look at the evidence that God is there with us in the midst of the nasty circumstance. This week I had the opportunity to 'see' God's hand of comfort with me in the midst of an epic fail of a day. It was so obvious I couldn't miss it, read on...

Tuesday started out like any other day when we're heading into the city. We'd scheduled several appointments and were starting out early. We hoped to have a little time in between to do some treasure hunting at second hand stores but mostly our day was pretty sewn up. The highlight was going to be seeing my niece's brand new baby for the first time, we were pretty excited to get started on the day. The night before the three youngest went to grandma's for a sleepover so that the men could get out to the field early and they wouldn't have to wake up so early. We got going right on time and everything seemed great.

As I drove I inquired of the Lord as to which road to take in. Would I have enough time to drop off the grain sample before the first appointment or not? I felt strongly to head that way first which took me into the south end of the city rather than the west end...which would prove to be the second piece of God's comfort for the upcoming events of the day. I easily found the broker's office and dropped off the sample and headed to our first appointment. I was just coming off the overpass onto the freeway when I felt a little wobble in the back end of the van. I had time to think, "Oh no, not again", remembering my tire blow-out earlier in the summer, before we felt a big thump and I realized I had problems. I was able to steer to the side of the on-ramp and jumped out to see what the issue was. Well, it wasn't a flat tire, I didn't have a tire at all, nor a wheel for that matter, the parts of it were scattered through the intersection - pieces of brakes, the hubcap and tire were no longer with us.

I got out my CAA card and cell phone and made a call for a tow truck while the two kids I had with me carefully gathered up the pieces in between traffic. While I was waiting on the phone a vehicle stopped and a fellow got out. This guy stuck with me through the whole ordeal - Jay, my personal good samaritan. He 'happened' to work at the Ford dealership in the service department, which just 'happened' to be across from where we were - he wasn't working that day. So while I was on the phone arranging the tow truck he arranged for the service guys to prepare for us and got a loaner vehicle set up. He then proceeded to stick with me directing traffic around our disabled van and offering comfort and support. His reason, "I would hope that someone would do the same for my wife and kids in a similar situation." This young man also 'happened' to have grown up in the neighbouring town. His wife just a little further away, but their youth group used to hang out with the youth group from here when she was younger which we now pastor. Small world.

After the tow truck hooked us up, Jay and his wife drove us to the garage and introduced us to the manager and made sure we were taken care of before they headed off to the rest of their day. The garage treated me with respect and care like I have rarely experienced in a garage setting.

We were finally off on our day, or so we thought, with a rental vehicle (paid for by the garage) and went to the dentist. We were there for a few hours and then headed over to a nearby store to look around a little. We were going through the check-out when we got the call from the garage that the fix would definitely keep us in the city over night. Fortunately, the younger children already had their overnight things at my mom's so staying another night wouldn't be a problem - the first piece of intervention on our behalf by my great bit God. In the meantime my sister-in-law walked into the store. We stopped to chat for a bit and in the midst of that chat my oldest daughter suddenly collapsed to the floor. She had fainted, most likely from the dental work, but gave us rather a good scare. Her brother thought she was dead - proving to himself and to her that he really does love her. While we waited for the paramedics to show up, my sister-in-law was there with us offering comfort and support. She had just 'happened' to come into the store to kill a little time before her doctor's appointment.

After scraping ourselves off the floor and dealing with the paramedics who declared her fit to carry on, the three of us went on with our day...again. We did manage to see our delightful new relative which was absolutely the high point of the day. Around supper time we headed over to some friends with whom we'd arranged care and feeding. After supper the kids headed over to the nearby park to play for a bit. We were enjoying a cup of tea when the girls came running in at high speed and talking even faster...something about a fight and someone getting beat up...Darcy headed out immediately to see what was going on while Holly and I tried to decipher the girls' high speed talking. By the time we figured out what they were trying to tell us Darcy had come back in with the boys. Chris was visibly shaken and crying. Apparently, an older girl in the park had 'asked him out'. When he refused she got mad and started trash talking him, the girl she was with picked up a shovel and made advances toward my son and he stopped her before she could do any damage, of course they didn't like that, and an older brother was called in... wisely, the four of them high-tailed it out of there before anything else happened. My motherly instincts wanted to give hugs and kisses but my wise, manly friend, who 'happened' to have decided to stay home that evening instead of attending a coffee time, seemed to know that the comfort my son needed at the time was the fellowship of guys cheering for a hockey team...who knew. My daughter got to realize that she loves her brother and demonstrated the same level of concern for him that he had offered to her earlier that day.

I had called another friend to see if we could do a last minute crash at her house. For the last three days she had been praying for me and was totally prepared for my call. God knew I'd need the calmness of her presence and home at the end of this day and He had it all ready for me.

The God of all comfort provided me with hands on help for every situation in this incredibly weird day of nasty events. On the outside looking in it was an epic fail of a day, costing us time and money that we couldn't afford, yet I have never felt so well-cared for in such a stressful situation as I did on Tuesday. I'm confident that the comfort I have received will be passed on to someone else one day. God is in the midst of our trials whether or not we recognize it at the time. I didn't fall apart or even shed a tear throughout all of that, just felt the peace and care that passes human understanding. When we picked up the van the service manager assured me several times that it was safe to go home. I needed to hear that. He explained everything to me in a kind way with no condescension whatsoever.

This morning, safely home and in my own place my husband showed me something he had found on the ground, one of the studs from the wheel. My wheel was already compromised from the moment I left the yard yet it held together until I was in a place where it could safely come off without injury to anyone. God knew I hate dealing with garages so he provided someone to make the decision for me. He knew all that would happen in the moments and times that it would and went ahead of me. My God is good.

Safety Tip: When having your tires replaced make sure the garage uses a torque wrench and not an impact wrench to tighten the nuts. Overtightening the nuts puts too much stress on the studs and they will sheer off causing you to lose your wheel several weeks after the tire change, which is what happened to me.

A Flower of Jesus

A Flower of Jesus
by Lani Wiens (copyright 2010)
a fresh flowers original

Last night during our family Bible reading/prayer time a flower popped up!!! It seems like I haven't had one for so long I almost didn't know what to do with it, then I remembered, WRITE IT DOWN. Share it for the encouragement of others.

My six year old is still in the process of learning to read but loves trying out his skills during our family time. While we're praying he has been using scripture to pray, reading a prayer or psalm out of his special Bible. Unfortunately, he doesn't always slow down to sound out each word and makes a few mistakes. The other night we had a host of heavenly animals proclaiming Jesus' birth to the shepherds instead of angels. They begin and end the same so I can see how he could have made the mistake. It made me smile...the picture of camels, cows and horses dancing and singing in the sky. It would have been quite a sight!

Last night's slip up made me ponder, however, and I've been pondering until I had something to share here. "Help us be flowers of Jesus, " he read. 'Flowers of Jesus' instead of 'followers', I didn't bother correcting him, even though his sister snickered. Let's ponder flowers for a moment. We spend tons of money to beautify our yards and communities with these fragile, delicate plants that don't give us anything in return - or do they?

Flowers give us pause, they draw us to themselves. Our spirits are lifted by drinking in the beauty of flowers. As we come closer and are enveloped by their scent we are filled with peace and joy. There is a sense of satisfaction and rest that accompanies flowers. We give flowers to those who are sick to cheer them. We decorate with flowers to celebrate special events like weddings, birthdays and babies. We use flowers to bring comfort to those who mourn. And we plant and cultivate flowers for the sheer beauty of it.

Have you ever been drawn in by an artificial flower? They are a lovely, long-lasting representation of the real thing but there is no scent, no life in them. While they look pretty on the outside, there is nothing of substance on the inside. We quickly move on feeling disappointed and foolish. I pray that I am not disappointing to those looking for the beauty of Jesus and I'm the one they come to examine.

Followers of Jesus are asked to weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice. We are to point seekers to the way of the cross. We give off the scent of Christ, bringing life to those who want it. We bring with us compassion and strength to those who need it. We are to reflect the glory of God the Father. That job description is not that different from flowers is it?

I think I want to be a 'Flower of Jesus'. I want to bring beauty, peace and joy to those who see me, I want to have the scent of the Father on me bringing comfort to those who mourn and calmness to those who stop near to see if I'm real. 'Beauty is God's gift to us to fill in the trenches of pain.' I read that somewhere once and it has stuck with me. There is a reason for beauty in this world, we need to stop and drink it in to refresh our spirits and revive us. I want to reflect the beauty of the Father to all who happen to see me.

Today, be a 'Flower of Jesus' to someone. Have a lovely day!

The New Jacket

My cousin and I sewed these jackets this week for our little girls! They are so cute. Little plug for Fresh Squeezed Fabrics on Etsy where we purchased our supplies!!

We love them and the girls do, too!! The pattern is the Uptown Girl reversible jacket.

grace notes for today (893)

881. a good night's sleep
882. warbling voices singing with me this morning around the table..."You are the Everlasting God..."
883. sewing with friends
884. passages, stages of life that are complete
885. 500+ pounds of honey harvested
886. dark red tomatoes, dehydrated and stored for winter use
887. assignments marked and assigned
889. understanding and love in the eyes of children as we explain the plan to heal the rejected and heartbroken among us
890. threads of healing
891. words not spoken, a victory over my wayward tongue
892. faith rising up while rain falls down on our unharvested fields
893. helping hands

Surrendering

I realized today that I am a failure. It's true and apparently it's okay. I can't do a single thing on my own. I was brought face to face with that reality as my husband preached this morning. I can't do anything unless Christ is at work in me. Unfortunately for me and all those around me I too often forget to surrender my frailty to Him. The words on the page say that He has it all under control and I need to surrender the whole thing to Him. I'm good with that...my question is how do I then live?

As a parent how do I discipline in the reality that I'm not in control of the situation?
As a leader in the church how do I plan and pursue ministry ideas?
As a wife, how do I love my husband the way he needs to be loved?
How do I go about surrendering my gifts, talents, ideas and dreams to the one who created them all in the first place?

I'm not sure how the surrender process looks. I'd be okay with simply not getting up in the morning and letting the Lord make lunches and clean and the 1000 other things on my to do list every day but I'm pretty sure that is NOT how it goes.

I'm truly at a loss here...I desperately want to surrender, to let Him have control, to get rid of my nasty self and let the fruit of the Spirit show up, I'm just having trouble getting her to lay down and die.

September 1 thankfulness (880)

863. Cherries
864. Apricots
865. Apples
866. Beans
867. Peaches
868. Plums
869. Honey
870. Strawberries
870.5 Peppers

These are the things we have put in our storehouse so far this year. So much work but so satisfying to see it sitting on the shelves in my cold room.

I am also thankful for...

871. The first painful days of school being done.
872. A more organized start to this year's homeschooling.
873. A more peaceful countenance on my eldest son as he is back at home this year.
874. My nephew - the massage therapist.
875. New routines.
876. My massage cushions.
877. Encouraging words and phone calls.
878. My parents being near by again.
879. The community in which I live.
880. Finding the right curriculum for my kids.