Tuesday, October 30, 2012

One Thing (Day 30)

On Saturday night, Martha asked me what the one thing was that I'm taking home from Allume 2012.  I floundered a bit, probably looking slightly fish-like, as I processed her question.  It didn't take long, though, for crystal clear clarity to snake it's way into my consciousness.

image from: http://whowillyouserve.blogspot.ca
This one thing...

to behold your beauty Lord,

to know and love you more and more,

it's what I've been created for,

this one thing...

to lean upon the One I love,

safely resting in His arms,

set your seal upon my heart

I desire

this one thing.

(from the song, "One Thing" by  Chris Dupre)

This conference satisfied my weary soul in ways I cannot begin to express.  God opened the heavens for me, met me in my fears, gave me a few sweet, sweet moments (including chocolate chocolate chunk cookies - Ms Debi Stangeland from FunkiPlanet gets the shout out for those gluten-free babies!!), answered some prayers He didn't have to and took care of me through the arms of those delightful women I was blessed to spend time with.

I am so thankful for receiving answers to very practical questions I had, for speakers who took time to seek The Lord even in those very practical workshops and for the companies and individuals who gave and gave and gave to us, including the hotel staff.  We were sent out so full.

But this one thing is the thing I come back to.  My heart longing for my God, to hear His voice in my ear, His breath on my cheek.  I long to feel passion and know that it's okay.  I am a 'good girl' in the midst of redeeming grace trying to understand non-legalistic living.  I'm not very good at it yet.

That is the one thing that is coming home with me over and above everything else.  A desire to get a first love kind of thing going.  As a 'good girl' I've been a Christian all my life, there really isn't a before and after Jesus moment.  My flick at rebellion was short-lived and rather uneventful, but leaving scars that are soul deep.  I need to know what passion feels like and I think I'm ready to go after it, because if I don't, all that I'm doing is so pointless.  This quote summed it up for me...

"Do you really want to stand before your maker with the applause of men ringing in your ears
 only to have heaven standing silent."  - Ann Voskamp

No I don't.  My flesh could care less what my spirit wants, it is clingy and needy and ever so eager to take center stage and worship the messenger rather than the message.  I'm so tired of all that.  Just the one thing please, that's all I want.

There were so many who blessed me over these last few days and I want to take Lisa Jo's advice and give a shout out to just a few...

Ann Voskamp from A Holy Experience - you are the real deal and you brought the one thing with you, giving this soul sister an opportunity to give back to my Creator words of worship that were desperately longing to be expressed in music...a thousand thanks for bringing that piece with you

Laura - orgjunkie - what a treasure you were to me once I got my nose out of that book!! You were my saving grace so many times this weekend when my knees were knocking and my heart was quaking.  Thank you for extending friendship so unconditionally!

Lisa at Little Writer Mama - God knew who my most perfect roommate would be and it was you.  I love how He knit our hearts together over a table at Starbucks.  Friends, if you can get to a conversation about 'gastric outlets' and still be completely comfortable in your first conversation you have hit sisterhood pay-dirt!!  You are a keeper!

My Better Writer and (in)couragedFlock peeps - what a ginormous blessing you ladies are, have you any idea how beautiful you all are?  Nancy, Martha, Donna, Becky, Amy, Lizzie, Tereasa, Debi, Auri (yay for Washi Tape!!), Tammy, Julie, Lyn, Mary (if I forgot you it's only because I'm really tired and just a little emotional not because you're not important to me!)

Alia Joy and Kathi, your welcome mat was out and I'm so glad I stepped up.  You two are a riot!!  I pray that you will feel so well cared for as you soak up your time in the storm!

Just one thing...
it's all that matters.
This post is one in an ongoing series called {31 days of Uncommon Creativity}.  If you'd like to start back at the beginning you can do so by clicking here!  You can find a lot of other 31 day-ers over at Nesting Place. go check it out you may find some great stuff there that is just begging for you to read it!

Grace * Thanksgiving * Joy

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dayebydaye said...

My heart is still full and so very thankful. I love your "one thing" and will be praying for you as you walk this road searching for passion- I know it well and am privileged to walk it with you!

Mandy said...

I loved reading this, Lani! So beautiful. Prayers for your journey!

Lizzie Branch said...

Lani, you are such a beautiful woman and a kindred spirit. I miss you already!! You know when you hug someone and it feels like you have known that person for a long time? That is what I feel like around you. Your presence is calming and peaceful with much wisdom. Thank you for blessing my life with yours. Looking forward to getting to know you even better!

Marcy P said...

It sounds like a wonderful time, Lani! God has definitely had his light shining through you for a long time and I imagine this light will shine even brighter as you ponder these thoughts. You echo the desires of my heart. Next year I definitely need to pray about going b/c I could use a Christian blogger/momma/girlfriend time. My heart is just itching for some refreshment in this kind of form.

Lisa said...

Lani! This post...full of laughter and poignant reminders...

Reminders to draw closer not to our writing and blogging, but to God, first and foremost...ALWAYS...

That was one of my biggest take aways this weekend too...

And then...Your hilarious summary of our Starbucks conversation. SO very, VERY true!

God certainly knows what He is doing and His roomate matching abilities are no different! Such a blessing to have been able to spend the weekend with you!

Debi Stangeland said...

Somehow, I am being attributed to snack foods around the web. Hmmmm. Next year I'm bringing you all carrots!!

Lani - the flowerlady said...

Debi, I would love carrots from you just as much as cookies, because they would be from you! You make them good.

Marcy - you must come, cause Lisa's gonna have a sweet baby keeping her home next year!

Lizzie, Lisa and Becky - such sweetness there is in you

Mandy - thanks for your kind words, didn't get to connect with you a whole heap, next time?

Katharine said...

Beautiful! So,so good to meet you and your beautiful heart!